Where's the Archive?
A Month of Mel:
1 Terror Honcho Hoosegowed in Hollywood!
3 Mel Gibson's hidden agenda
4 Dear Leader by Kim Jong Il
8 Where the streets have your name
14 How do you solve a problem like The Connelly?
15 Southern Exposure
16 What's in your wallet?
18 Media mobs Mel in Malibu!
21 "Hi, Mel"
25 Raise the Red Threat Assessment
29 Next Week in Congress
29 Win for the Environment
Posted August 29, 2006
Kitsap County: a win for the environment
Chalk one up for the pro-environment side! Last February a coalition including Hood Canal Environmental Council, West Sound Conservation Council and Kitsap Audubon appealed Kitsap County's critical areas ordinance (CAO) to the Growth Management Hearings Board. The coalition objected to the ordinance's requirement of only 35 foot buffer zones for a majority of shorelines, regardless of the resources along those shorelines. Also allowed were exemptions permitting destruction of small wetlands.
Sources with the coalition sent word today that the Board has ruled against the county, finding the Kitsap CAO to be not consistent with the state Growth Management Act. Among the findings:
The County has until February 22, 2007 to adopt a revised ordinance that adequately protects its shoreline and wetlands resources.
Next Week in Congress
A special 15-day session of Congress is coming up, here with some predictions is our own Tim Snide, returning with his regular feature The Slam Book® Goes to Washington. Tim?
Thanks. Here's what I'm getting from my crystal ball.
Abortion. In a last ditch appeal to his base, Sen. Rick Santorum will introduce a bill to award posthumous Purple Hearts to all Blastocyst-Americans who have given their lives in the War Against Medical Progress.
Unemployment. The Labor Department will report that unemployment surged in the 2nd quarter. It will report that the increase is due to the number of people who resigned from Rep. Katherine Harris's senate campaign.
Government Reform. The unnamed Senator who has placed a Secret Hold on the Obama-Coburn open government bill will be revealed: Senator Holy Spirit (R-Heaven), who is not so much secret as moves in mysterious ways. It will turn out Rep. Katherine Harris discovered that the separation of church and state is such a lie that, she will claim, the Founders allotted Heaven its own Congressional delegation. Harris will explain that this is the first time Heaven has elected anyone to send to Washington because Heaven, like Congress, is a place where nothing ever happens.
In a setback for fundamentalist Christian House members, the words "Bowie is
God"--doodled in the margins of a
Unemployment. The Labor Department will report the unemployment rolls, after rising in the 2nd quarter, shrank by 27% in August. It will be attributed to the number of ex-staff of Katherine Harris For Senate denied unemployment benefits, a provision in a bill introduced by Rep. Harris.
Iraq. Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, seeking to distance his 2008 Presidential aspirations from the Administration's Iraq policy, will begin hearings on what to do with the $1.5 billion a day being spent on the occupation after the U.S. eventually withdraws. Frist will propose a tax cut for the richest 1% of Americans--although Frist will call it a Peace Dividend.
Elections. Denying reports she is 'crazy,' Rep. Harris will appoint a new campaign manager, "who is just as sane as I am"--John Mark Karr.
That's all for The Slam Book.® Until next time, this is Tim Snide saying: Be afraid; be very afraid.
Blarchives: The Slam Book®
Posted August 25, 2006
Raise the Red Threat Assessment
Scoop. Dir: Woody Allen. Scarlett Johansson, Hugh Jackman, Woody Allen, Ian McShane, Romola Garai, Charles Dance, Fenella Woolgar. BBC Films.
Welcome back to the show.
There's a big crop of new movies out, and we've been remiss in
telling you about them. To catch up on at least one of the big summer
blockbusters, please welcome back our Vigilance Correspondent, Deputy
Assistant Principal Undersecretary of State William "Henny"
Penney, of the Department of Homeland Security. Henny, welcome back.
You seem a little distracted.
'Who cares?' You mean about the movies?
But that's the Number One priority for Americans! Everyone
cares about homeland security!
And that would be who?
Really!? Why is that?
Fascinating. I've been wondering how that worked.
But he's a Democrat.
OK. Um, what happened?
From the ennui.
Veterinarian activity? Why does DHS monitor that?
So what you need, Henny, what all Warriors On Terror need, is
Well, something does cross my mind.
It's not exactly terror-related, but it hits some of the
Well, about a week ago, Mayor Nickels--
Do you want to hear the story? Nickels held a press conference on the Seattle Channel. It was about the waterfront.
Apparently there is something called a 'gribble' that poses a threat.
No, it's a wood-eating marine worm.
Nickels says the gribbles, as well as a burrowing mollusk called
the 'teredo,' weaken the Seattle sea-wall--
Yes, Nickels said Seattle could slide into the Sound.
New Orleans? He did say we need to "keep our city safe," and "it's
like New Orleans."
Well, he wants to spend billions on a waterfront freeway tunnel,
and rebuild the seawall at the same time.
It even falls from the sky.
Well, the Mayor unveiled a color-coded sea-wall map--
Good man. But what about your movie review?
Thank you, Mr. Penney.
Blarchive: The No-Fly List
Posted August 21, 2006
Mel Gibson at Alcoholics Anonymous? How's that supposed to work? Of course, if the meeting is at Charlie Sheen's house and the other members include Lindsay, Robert Downey Jr. and Chad Lowe, then maybe the anonymous part won't matter so much.
Non Sequitur (8/21)
Not Since Boeing to Chicago. It's August, so the
Mariners must be trading downand sure enough, into the sunset goes Jamie
Moyer, who only has the most wins among Seattle pitchers. Ever. What a bum, right?
Best of all, from the Phillies the Mariners get two minor leaguers named Andrew,
who should be ready for the Bigs by 2008 or never. One, Andrew Barb, went to Juanita
High School. If he catches on and gets a big contract, he'll be able to afford to
move back here.
Taking their cue from the Mariners, other Seattle leaders and institutions are seeking help in the form of trades.
Speaking of the Allentown streetcar, transportation observers are holding their breath waiting to see what happens when the project begins building crossing Mercer Street.
Posted August 18, 2006
Media mobs Mel in Malibu!
Posted August 16, 2006
What's in your wallet?
Not the hands of property developers and the BIAW, if we have anything to say about it. Get yourself a No 933 yard sign today; there happen to be some at People For Puget Sound, 911 Western #580. No On 933 also has virtual signs and webpage banners here.
Today's Scare: Vaseline and a screwdriver? That's a Thursday afternoon for Jeff Gannon.
Mr_Blog is sponsored today by Simon Cowell Productions!
Dennis Haysbert: President Palmer in 2008!
Boy George: George Jr. and Boy George, it'll be a gas.
GWB: Lemme show you how to beat the urinalysis.
Mel Gibson: Any ideas about how to beat a urinalysis?
Boy George: Look, you need a lift? I have a motorcade outside...
Then, stay tuned for a hot new reality series: "Riding Seattle's Metro Transit with the Neocons"!
Cheney: We know where it stops. It's north, south, west and east of Macy's somewhat.
Rumsfeld: Does the 5 go to Lynnwood? No. Will we need a transfer? Probably. Will we be in time for the 7 pm showing of "Pirates" at Alderwood? Who knows!?
GWB: No one could have predicted the 5:15 bus would be late.
Rumsfeld: Gosh, this bus sure is crowded.
Barbara Bush: Well, most of these people can't afford chauffeurs, so this is working out very well for them.
Posted August 15, 2006
Resmuglican Sen. George Allen of Virginia has apologized for calling a staffer for Democratic opponent Jim Webb a "macaca." Allen's excuses go a long way to revealing why the Rs' governing style has become so back-asswards this millennium.
1. Allen says "I don't know what it means." Resmuglicans say things they haven't thought about (see blind following, yesterday).
2. Then Allen
said the word sounds similar to "mohawk," a term that his campaign staff had nicknamed Sidarth because of his haircut. Sidarth said his hairstyle is a mullet tight on top, long in the back.
Resmuglicans are out of touch with their base. Mistaking a mullet for a mohawkin a Southern state no lessis on par with the 1990 incident where George The First didn't know what a supermarket price scanner was.
However, it hands Allen a whole new issuehearing health. Macaca and mohawk of course sound nothing alike, which signals any number of audiological conditions from inner ear cilia degeneration to impacted ear wax. Watch for Allen to make a telegenic pilgrimage to a speech & hearing clinic later this week. His new slogan? "Hello Virginia: I'm listening."
Which would be much better than his current slogan, "What?"
Airport x-ray machines can detect if shoes have been tampered with. That should make the sleeper cells of al-Qaida cobblers think twice.
Of course, to George Allen cobbler sounds like terror. See? Always a rational explanation.
Clarification: yesterday's mention of Cafe Al Dente should have reminded readers that "al dente" is an Italian expression meaning "to the tooth." Al dente is not a new jihadi terror group. Please make a note of it.
Posted August 14, 2006
How do you solve a problem like The Connelly?
What is it about the P-I's The Connelly? He seems to be missing the ferry more and more often of late, his column about Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and the theft of the Ohio 2004 vote was the poster child for poor reading comprehension.
Connelly's column for this Monday morning is another head-scratcher.
Partisan Democrats have directed brickbats at this space in the past week, over a column that condemned personal attacks demonizing Republican Senate candidate Mike McGavick.
What the hell??? Joel, MCDERMOTT WAS RIGHT!!!
...only Democratic blunders can keep the party from major gains in November.
This is straight out of the Resmuglican playbook--equating opposition with personal attack, branding responsible policy proposals 'weak,' and namecalling (e.g. "aid and comfort to the enemy," "LIBeral") on those who don't toe the neocon line.
Connelly's problem is that he is equating partisanship with blind following.
Let's get this straight: partisanship is Good. When I am voting for Hong Tran in the Primary, that's to send Cantwell a message on Iraq. But when voting for Cantwell in the General, it's because I'm supporting Democratic Party policies and an immediate power-shift in Congress. That's not blind following.
In evoking Bill Ruckelshaus, Connelly is unintentionally hilarious. And revisionist: Ruckelshaus was all about accountability and responsibility, but here's Connelly asking us not to hold McGavick accountable for the Misadministration positions he supports: by freely choosing membership in the Resmuglican Party, and standing next to its corrupt leaders like Frist, who (it was announced today) is coming to campaign for him. Or Dick Cheney, who already has; that time, the McGavick campaign said "This is a campaign that hasn't run from the administration".
Good to know. And remember.
A trip to Vancouver, WA last weekend proved a pleasant
diversion. I hadn't traveled on I-5 south of Olympia for a long time. Vancouver is a cute
little town, at least the part we went to (Mill Plain Blvd. and Downtown). Cafe Al Dente
has a wonderful gorgonzola something-or-other, and bicycle-friendly Vancouver Marketplace
has an abstract wood sculpture that reminds me of Donatello's Mary Magdalene.
Posted August 8, 2006
Where the streets have your name
(The Edgar Martinez Way)
The Seattle "Bridging the Gap" transportation package is on the ballot, and there's enough in it to merit support. Even though we already pay taxes, and here we are going to vote on a special (possibly permanent) levy to pay for basics, Vote Yes by all means.
Sidewalkless neighborhoods are still screwed under this plan though, with new pedestrian paths funded at only a half mil or so. Good enough for 2 or 3 blocks, if the cost of curbs and drainage are included.
Otherwise, I'm not seeing anything else about new sidewalks, just repair of existing ones. Hold onpeople who already have sidewalks get them fixed at public expense, but those who need sidewalks built in the first place still have to pay the bulk of it themselves, and apply for insufficient grant funds to pay for the rest? Not equitable.
Sidewalkless neighborhoods were also screwed under a recent City plan to add more oxygen-generating trees to residential planting strips. Planting strips are, of course, the space bounded by a curb on one side and a sidewalk on the other.
As far as paying for the tax package, the combination huge property tax levy-plus-employee and parking taxes smells like creative revenue forecasting, like they really had to scrape and fiddle with interest rates to make the numbers work.
Are we ready for a state income tax yet? And under my vision we would keep the property tax, but exempt the first $300,000 on primary residences (rich people: your primary residence would be the one with the lowest assessed value).
And how's this for a revenue source: take a page from the Market and Safeco Field and sell naming rights. But instead of brick pavers, you get to name the section of the street in front of your house. Edgar Martinez Way, Royal Brougham Way, and now: Your Way! A lot of people would gladly pay for that. Imagine: Howard Schultz could live on Big Baby Way.
Blarchive: Rainy Days & Mondays
Posted August 4, 2006
by Kim Jong Il
I am the leader of the fading superpower who has corresponded you before. I'm afraid I need your advice again.
A couple years ago some of the fellas thought it would be good to try and start an Empire. So to try it out we took over a country. Uh, I'll call it "Qari."
Well, one thing led to another, and now everyone's talking about "civil war." Civil war this and civil war that. And I said to the fellas, at least they're polite. And then they explained what it meant, and I said that was crazy, it's the opposite of civil!
And anyway, it's SO not true! My fellas show me the same intelligence as they show Congress, and everything in Qari looks like it's going just fine! "Mission accomplished" and everything.
So how do I quash these civil war rumors?
Signed, Curious George
Why the heck don't you want a civil war? Civil war is GREAT, look what it did for Korea! Recall the glory of your own civil war, and just imagine the wonderful history Qari could get out of its own war between the states--north vs. south, brother vs. brother, Shiite vs. Sunni, Secular vs. Sharia, Kurds vs. Whey. The people of Qari deserve a chance at this kind of glorious heritage! So send them a few fife & drum corps, and prepare to be interviewed by Ken Burns!
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT TO GO AWAY? I HATE YOU! HATE, YOU HEAR ME? WE'RE GONNA BOMB YOU BACK TO THE STONE AGE! Call me?
Signed, The Hon. John Bolton
I think you know what it will take to get this deal done. My previous demands are on record: a three-picture deal, gross points and I get final cut starting with the second film. By the way, my current project now has Mel Gibson attached, and he's willing to work for scale. My agent is Ed Limato at ICM--why dontcha call HIM?
Blarchives: Dear Leader by Kim Jong Il
Posted August 3, 2006
Mel Gibson's hidden agenda
Posted August 1, 2006
Terror Honcho Hoosegowed in Hollywood!
LA County Sheriff deputies thought they were making a routine DUI arrest last Thursday night. But it turned out they had hit the homeland security jackpot, nabbing another in the long parade of al-Qaeda seconds-in-command.
Deputies initially stopped the bearded, wild-eyed suspect for speeding. They then found the driver, identified as M. al-Gibson, an unemployed actor, appeared to be intoxicated. Deputies reported that al-Gibson made anti-Semitic slurs about "the Jews," and also was verbally abusive to deputies.
Sources with knowledge of the case reported al-Gibson said he was "going to f***" the arresting officer, and demanded of another, "why aren't your sugar t*ts adequately covered in accordance with holy scripture?"
The charges against al-Gibson were impaired driving and being in possession of explosive negative publicity. Authorities are now searching for the rest of al-Gibson's terror cell in star-studded Malibu, which al-Gibson claimed to "own."
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