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May-Jun 2014

6 Document
8 Sen. Tom looking forward to retirement
12 Santorum movie magic to the rescue as GOP alters 2016 debates
22 NRA endorses a 'smart gun'
23 Gowdy outlines work of Benghazi Committee

3 Christie explains plan for pension cost sharing
9 George Will goes after more 'silly status-seekers'
10 A Message From Ted Cruz
27 GOP-controlled Senate to meet at 7Eleven

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June 27, 2014
GOP-controlled Senate to meet at 7Eleven

In a move widely expected to increase legislative efficiency, Senator Mitch McConnell today announced a Republican plan for the Senate to convene at a Washington, DC 7Eleven in order to stay in perpetual session.

"The Supreme Court has cleared the way for a Senate golden age, by holding that the Senate alone determines when it is and is not in session," said McConnell, referring to yesterday's high court ruling in the case of National Labor Relations Board vs. Noel Canning.

The court ruled the Senate was not in recess when President Obama made appoints to the NLRB. "I thought we were on a break," White House Counsel Ross Geller said after the ruling was announced.

McConnell, currently the Minority Leader, pledged that if Republicans gain the Senate majority in this fall's midterm elections he would bring the Senate into session "for as long as I am Majority Leader, in order block the White House's legislative agenda," said McConnell.

McConnell said a 7Eleven location close to the Capitol, possibly Maryland Avenue & 8th Northeast or 8th & E Street Southeast, would offer the best site for a neverending session.

"The Senate Chamber is steeped in history, one can't help but feel drowsy. Whereas 7Elevens are harshly lit and have supplies of Penthouse, Hustler, and caffeine in both pill and beverage forms," he explained.

"Like 7Eleven, a Republican Senate will never close. The American people will be proud of what we will fail to accomplish," McConnell said.

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June 10, 2014
A Message From Ted Cruz

Greetings. This is Senator Ted Cruz of Texas with a special message for right thinking conservative activists who believe we need to take our country back.

No, the secret decoder ring won't be used for this one. Actually, those have turned out to be way more complicated for y'all to figure out how to use, so I won't be using those so much in future. The manufacturer in China won't take them back, so if you could send me a donation to help defray costs, that would be wonderful.

Right now I want to address the topic that seems to be at the top of everyone's minds -- namely, the exact date when the armed struggle will begin against the anti-American American government.

Listen very carefully, people: It hasn't started.

I know y'all are really excited and champing at the bit to get going, but please. Please. PLEASE stop jumping the gun -- ha ha -- by trying to stage your own Lexington and Concord.

No provocative actions. No seizing an interstate. No pointing your guns at federal agents. No riding your ATVs on No-ATV trails. No open carry meetings at Chuck E. Cheese's. No 18th century-style firing lines outside family restaurants where Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America are meeting.

I dont want to read in the Washington Times that another bunch of you knuckleheads have attacked, are planning to attack, or were foiled while trying to attack a county courthouse. Come on, THINK. Courthouses are where most people are just trying to buy a fishing license. Yes, I know fishing licenses aren't in the Constitution, there'll be plenty of time to argue about that later.

Patience, everyone. This is about taking the long view. That's why, thanks to a generous grant from Americans For Prosperity, I am working on such a plan now, a plan that will enable a more or less peaceful takeover of the government, culminating in electing me, Theodore Alvin Cruz, the first Canadian President of the United States.

I'll need your help to pull it off, but you can't help from beyond the grave. So cool it, alright?

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June 9, 2014
George Will goes after more 'silly status-seekers'

Pundit George F. Will is preparing a followup to a controversial column in which he said the current focus on rape has given victimhood a "coveted status."

"Bad things have happened to people throughout history. You just have to get over it. And sometimes it turns out alright -- look at the great art inspired by the Sabine Women," the conservative columnist wrote on Friday.

Those remarks met with a firestorm of criticism. But now sources say Will is about to double down on his comments.

In a draft obtained from persons close to Will's Washington Post/Ashley Madison syndicator, Will expands his social critique to other groups he calls "silly status-seekers" past and present, including "clients of Charles Ponzi, Vietnam veterans who claimed to be affected by Agent Orange, and Thalidomide babies."

Will says the most trendy group of victims are those killed in the mass shootings "which have become fashionable in recent years."

"Survivors, loved ones of the dead, and the dead themselves should look at mass shootings as proof that America prizes ideals above all," he writes.

"In the case of mass shootings, that paramount ideal remains freedom of expression. Just as money is speech, it can be argued that ammunition is also speech, and we must protect the free exercise thereof," writes Will.

Ever confident in his viewpoint, Will concludes with, "Anyone who doesn't like my opinion should just lie back and enjoy it."

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June 3, 2014
Christie explains plan for pension cost sharing

(South Mañana, NJ) Previewing what could be his signature issue in a run for the 2016 GOP nomination, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie came to this rural New Jersey town to explain his plan to delay payments to the public employee pension system.

Christie called the change an experiment in reform and not a delay. "I'm not putting costs off to the future. Alls I'm trying to do is save taxpayers money by asking retirees to help share the cost," he said. Under the new arrangement, public employees who want to collect a pension will be charged a monthly 'copension' fee, as well as meet an annual 'bootstrap' amount similar to a deductible.

Christie told a packed townhall-style meeting he based the reform on a bedrock Republican principle -- the belief that Americans are in love with private insurance.

"What's the problem with a little monthly copay and annual deductible for the two, three or four decades of your retirement? We do it for health care and auto insurance without saying boo," Christie observed. He said a requirement that retirees submit expenses like food and rent to the State Treasurer for pre-approval is intended to encourage greater fiscal self-discipline.

The governor also drew a connection to national policy, without mentioning Social Security. "This could lead to letting retirees choose from a menu of private market pension choices, rather than forcing people into a single, big government, one-size-fits-all system," Christie said.

"Hopefully this experiment be like a new, eight lane bridge to retirement security for New Jersey's public employees, and that's a promise," said the governor.

"People are starting to say my promises aren't worth the paper they're printed on. But I'm here to say: they are worth that," Christie said.

However, Christie did hint that if the new experiment doesn't work New Jersey could return to the old pension funding system, saying: "If this fails, good luck changing it back."

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May 23, 2014
Gowdy outlines work of Benghazi Committee

The House Select Committee on Events Surrounding the 2012 Terrorist Attack in Benghazi -- also known as the Special Benghazi Committee and the Select Committee -- will be a serious look at the events of September 11, 2012 and not a partisan witchhunt, the committee's chairman, Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-South Carolina), said today.

Gowdy said the Special Benghazi Committee, which will be held outside when the weather is sunny, will be a sober and nonpoliticized attempt to investigate the 2012 attack on the US consulate in Benghazi, Libya, which took the lives of Ambassador Chris Stevens and three members of his security detail.

"Members will be encouraged to place themselves at the scene on that terrible day, chiefly by writing essays and making dioramas about the experience -- although painting, sculpture and songwriting will not be ruled out," said Gowdy.

Gowdy says Special Benghazi Committee will also include day hikes, overnight camping, canoe outings, arts and crafts, and a much anticipated coed dance to be attended by several neighboring committees.

Best of all said Gowdy, the Select Committee "will pay for itself" thanks to a lucrative sponsorship by Safeway.

"Some have claimed we're wasting time and millions of taxpayer dollars. Well that's a bunch of hooey thanks to the good people at Safeway and their fine Safeway Select brand of products," Gowdy said.

"From Safeway Farms, to Safeway Kitchens, to O Organics, the Select brand is known for high quality and low cost, just like the Select Committee will be," he said.

Although the start date for the committee's work has yet to be decided, Gowdy said it will definitely end on September 11, 2014, with a 7-5 vote on party lines blaming Hillary Clinton for the attack.

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May 22, 2014
NRA endorses a 'smart gun' that can fire itself

The NRA today endorsed the Brainshot, a new 'smart gun' that can pick a target and fire on its own -- virtually thinking for itself.

It was a response to recent events, when a Maryland gun shop owner canceled plans to sell a smart gun after receiving threats from owners of traditional guns.

The key to that smart gun, the German-made Armatix, is an enabling wristband worn by the authorized user.

The problem with the Armatix was that it's not smart enough, said National Rifle Association safety director Donald Mame.

"What's to stop an evildoer from taking the wristband? Or chopping off the whole arm and commiting mayhem holding onto the bloody stump? It's just not a workable solution," said Mame.

Instead the NRA favors the Brainshot approach, analogous to the driverless Google car, in that a person is not needed to pull its trigger. "The Brainshot has no trigger, only a microprocessor that judges when to shoot and what to shoot at," Mame said.

"It takes the human out of the equation, which I think is what the gun control fanatics are up in arms about, so to speak," added Mame.

Mame believes gun automation has a good chance of putting an end to the threats of gun licensing and other government controls. "A person won't need a license for a gun when it can be argued the gun is acting on its own, and there's nothing in the Constitution barring guns from bearing themselves," Mame said.

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May 12, 2014
Santorum movie magic to the rescue as GOP alters 2016 debates

The Republican national committee announced last week it is changing the way candidates for the party's presidential nomination will debate in 2016.

The change follows a study ordered by chairman Reince Priebus. The review found that the 2012 Republican primaries had too many debates, providing too many opportunities for divisive disagreements and embarrassing gaffes.

"Rick Perry could only remember two of the three federal cabinet departments he wanted to cut. Ron Paul said we should let uninsured sick people die. It was time for a change," said Priebus.

For a solution, Priebus has turned to his leading expert on gaffes, 2012 candidate Rick Santorum. The former Pennsylvania senator turned chief of a Christian-oriented movie studio promises to bring anti-Hollywood movie magic to the task.

His idea is to replace the traditional GOP presidential primary system with a scripted limited run series for television.

"It's so crazy, it just might work," Priebus said.

Called "Campaign Of Thrones", the series is envisioned as a weekly hour long drama. "24" creator Joel Surnow is writing the script, with Nakoula Basseley Nakoula ("Innocence of Muslims") serving as showrunner and directing some episodes.

Prominent conservative stars are on Santorum's casting short list. Penciled in so far are Gary Sinese as Ted Cruz, Dean Cain as Marco Rubio, and Kelsey Grammer as Jeb Bush.

"I would like to have a blah actor play Allen West, but overall I am committed to colorblind casting," said Santorum.

What is known for certain is that New Jersey Governor Chris Christie will be achieved through motion-capture technology. "We are in discussions with Andy Serkis's people," Santorum revealed.

And what about female Republican contenders? "One miracle per election cycle," Santorum said.

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May 8, 2014
Sen. Tom looking forward to retirement

(Medina, WA) Outgoing State Senate Majority Leader Rodney Tom (R-Monday to Wednesday, D-Thursday to Saturday, alternate Sundays) said today he is looking forward to spending time with his family to subvert their majority decisions.

The perennial side thorn said he regretted his 12-year legislative career took him away from his family. "I missed a lot of important family milestones, like earlier this year when I learned they held a vote on where to go on our vacation, resulting in a 2-1 margin for Disneyland. If I hadn't been in Olympia blocking the transportation bill, I could have created a majority coalition in favor of Six Flags," said Tom.

"My wife and kids have made a lot of decisions like these in the last few years, and I'm looking forward to reversing many of them," Tom said.

As for his future plans, Tom said he is exploring joining a consulting firm, "to offer my expertise to disgruntled board members of corporations and nonprofit organizations," he said.

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May 6, 2014

One Vince Tofany Blvd.
Greece, N.Y. 14612

Town Board Meeting
Official Agenda
May 6, 2014

7:00 pm: Pledge Of Allegiance

7:01-11:40 pm: Opening Prayer for Baptists

Opening Prayer for Roman Catholics

Opening Prayer for Eastern Orthodox

Opening Prayer for Muslims (Sufi)

Opening Prayer for Muslims (Sunni)

Opening Prayer for Muslims (Shi'a)

Opening Prayer for Jews (Conservative)

Opening Prayer for Jews, including Orthodox and Hasid

Opening Prayer for Jews (Reform)

Opening Prayer for Jews (Kabbalah)

Opening Prayer for Jews (Black Hebrew Israelites)

Opening Prayer for Rosicrucians

Opening Prayer for Presbyterians

Opening Prayer for Methodists

Opening Prayer for Orthodox Baha'i

Opening Prayer for Baha'i

Opening Prayer for Quakers

Opening Prayer for Confucianists

Opening Prayer for Anglicans/Episcopalians

Opening Prayer for Buddhists, including Nikaya, Zen, Yogacara and Shambala

Opening Prayer for Mormons

Opening Prayer for Hindus, including Vedanta, Tantra and Shakti

Opening Prayer for Christian Scientists

Opening Prayer for Deists

Opening Prayer for Secular Humanists

Opening Prayer for Scientologists

Opening Prayer for followers of Shinto (Koshinto)

Opening Prayer for followers of Shinto (Yoshida)

Opening Prayer for Pentacostals

Opening Prayer for Gnostics

Opening Prayer for Jainists

Opening Prayer for Taoists

Opening Prayer for Rastafarians

Opening Prayer for Pastafarians

Opening Prayer for Lutherans

Opening Prayer for Druids

Opening Prayer for Zoroastrians

Opening Prayer for Sikhs

Opening Prayer for Jehovah's Witnesses

Opening Prayer for Seventh Day Adventists

11:40-50pm: Old Business

11:50-12 am: New Business -- Message of appreciation to the US Supreme Court

12:10 am: Adjourn

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