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Summer 2012
6 Walker agenda for second half-term
7 Young Romney impersonated secret agent in Paris
14 Vitter plans GOP pay equity for brothels
15 Michigan House considers bill requiring child locks on dictionaries
21 Rubio proposal to create path to noncitizenship
22 Everything's coming up Holder
28 Romney - Poverty the incentive that will fix health care

2 Vancouver, WA welcomes 'Obamacare refugees' who think they are in Canada
6 Romney would cut taxes of health creators
9 Romney sees hope in new poll
13 Romney - Offshore bank accounts are patriotic
23 'Real American' Sununu on Romney's VP list
26 Romney staff shakeup
30 Group wants public to exercise right to bear bombs

5 FOX-backed rover nears "probably red planet"
13 Media missed embarrassing banner
15 Ryan - Mayo jar is "ultimate private savings account"
20 CBN sorry for false Rapture alert
24 Romney energy plan could include tankers with big batteries
31 Romney to release tax returns as a series of expensive coffee table books

   "Where's the


August 31, 2012
Romney to release tax returns as a series of expensive coffee table books

Mitt Romney has bowed to demands that he disclose additional years of his income taxes. Returns for the ten years 1999-2008 will be published by Architectural Digest as a series of expensive coffee table books, the campaign announced today.

The first volume, "2004," will go on sale on the Romney campaign website this weekend. The series will be released weekly over the next 10 weeks.

Romney publicist Paul R. Flack said the conclusion of the Republican National Convention is the perfect time to release the information. "The recent buildup of goodwill, starting with the selection of Paul Ryan as running mate and ending with Clint Eastwood's triumphant chair speech, makes this the right moment to slip something past everyone."

The design of the book reflects the Republican nominee's personal and professional story.

  • Each book cover is made from virgin yak leather from China, tanned by John Boehner then hand-tooled in India.
  • Recycled paper (70% hair clippings), handmade by alumnae of Kingswood School (Ann Romney's alma mater).
  • Over 100 high quality Annie Liebovitz photographs of dividends, tithes and the Cayman Islands. Mr. Romney acquired Ms. Liebovitz in a managed bankruptcy.
  • The binding uses staples from Staples.
  • A 3-D model of a Staples store will popup in the center of the book when opened.

Each volume will retail for $2,012.999. "It's not cheap, but remember that Mitt Romney has been unemployed since leaving the Massachusetts governor's mansion," Flack said.

Prominent book critic Cherie Clark called the coffee table book format a brilliant choice.

"If there is anything embarrassing in Mitt Romney's tax returns, this is the way to make sure no one notices," said Clark.

"Coffee table books get ignored and no one ever looks inside, they just lie around looking shiny. They eventually get put up on a shelf when relatives come for Thanksgiving, then consigned to a box in the attic," she said.

Clark also said the high price was chosen deliberately to stymie liberal online media. "Certainly Arianna Huffington will never buy one for her bloggers."

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August 24, 2012
Romney energy plan could include tankers with big batteries

A message from Mitt

Hello, all you poor bastards buying petrol at the filling station! I'm Mitt Romney, and you know what? I see a sunny future for American energy.

I've been studying our history where energy is concerned. And after cramming every night, I have reached some conclusions.

What I've learned from history is that Americans want energy that burns, radiates, or collects behind dams.

Oil, coal and gas burn, uranium radiates, and water can be gathered by dams.

Wind doesn't do any of these things, so wind is out. Wind is what comes out of a dog's butt. Wind is socialist, my friend. Wind, you might say, blows.

By contrast, the sun burns, it's already burning. But how do we get it?

We should do solar power the American way, not the European way or the Arab way. 'New technology'? 'Infrastructure investment'? 'Smart grid'? Those are for sissy countries. I cut the hair of those nerd countries.

That's why when I'm president we will invade those countries and take their solar energy for ourselves. It entails a simple three-part strategy:

  1. A $200 billion increase in the Pentagon budget for invasion and occupation of countries with the highest rates of solar adoption.
  2. $125 billion for the State Department to install stable indigenous leaders in our new colonies.
  3. $150 billion in subsidies for solar energy companies after they are acquired by Bain Capital. Maybe they can invent some kind of pipeline to bring the solar electricity to America. Or ocean-going tankers carrying big batteries. But those are matters for our own poindexters to figure out, I suppose they serve a purpose.

So it's that simple. My solar energy plan bears all the cherished American hallmarks: a strong military, making new foreign friends, and unfettered capitalism.

The only thing it doesn't have is pollution. But I'm sure the poindexters can figure out a way to make polluting solar panels. Hey, that was pretty good. You were right guys, that joke killed.

I'm Mitt Romney, and I'll bet you $10,000 the future is in the sun.

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August 20, 2012
CBN sorry for false Rapture alert

The Christian Broadcasting Network is apologizing today for erroneously alerting viewers to the start of the Rapture, or return of Jesus.

In the August 18 incident, the automated message "LAND-O'-GOSHEN -- IT'S THE RAPTURE, FOLKS!!!" scrolled across the bottom of CBN programming for 40 minutes before being noticed.

A CBN spokesman said the error resulted from a mistake in the network's control room.

"The Rapture button is right between the buttons for Queer Uprising and Socialist Takeover, so you can see how easily a mistake could be made," said CBN's Paul R. Flack.

The mistake proved especially embarrassing for one group of CBN watchers. Republican congressmen on a fact-finding trip to the Holy Land became so, well, enraptured at the apparent return of the Messiah that they began stripping off their clothes, to better prepare for being taken up to heaven.

The US ambassador was summoned to Jerusalem to answer for complaints about naked congressmen running on a beach next to the Sea of Galilee, flapping their arms and trying to jump into the air.

"I am so, so sorry," said one of the nude lawmakers, Rep. Kevin Yoder (R-Kansas), who ended up in the water.

"I'm sorry. That I didn't check some other news sources like Drudge and Free Republic before going off half-cocked," a red-faced Yoder said. The cold Galilee water was solely responsible for the half-cocked part, Yoder hastened to add.

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August 15, 2012
Ryan - Mayo jar is "ultimate private savings account"

Rep. Paul Ryan appeared on Fox News on Tuesday seeking to calm fears his budget ideas would cripple Medicare.

The Republican VP nominee-designate told Craven Journalism host Fawn Craven that his reform of the national senior citizen health plan is built on a familiar item -- the humble mayonnaise jar.

"The mayonnaise jar is the safest place for financing senior health care, much better than any big government trust fund or lock box," said Ryan, a seven term congressman from Wisconsin.

Ryan called mayonnaise jars "the ultimate private savings accounts."

  • They are secure: "They're easy to hide in a closet corner, bottom of a laundry hamper, in a hollow tree or other hiding place."
  • Encourages personal responsibility: "The saver is responsible for cleaning the jar beforehand, so mayo doesn't get on the money."
  • Controls costs: "Competition will lower costs since there are dozens, if not hundreds of brands of mayonnaise."
  • Is safe, "as long as you use a plastic jar, not glass, which could break and cut you, requiring an expensive ER visit."

Craven challenged Ryan to compare mayo jars to the alternatives, asking "Why Mayocare? Why not a cigar box or old knee sock?"

"Look, the mayonnaise jar is just a metaphor," Ryan explained. "It represents any nongovernmental container found in the American home."

Ryan went on to say Mayocare would control costs because corporations would sponsor treatment of diseases.

"Imagine McDonalds sponsoring 'Big Macular Degeneration'. The possibilities of the free market are endless," he said.

Later in the day Mitt Romney did his best to boost his running mate's plan. At a delicatessen in Chillicothe, Ohio, Romney became fascinated with a jar of Hellman's he spotted at the sandwich station.

"I have no idea what this is because my sandwiches come from Cook or Butler. But it looks like it could hold someone's nest egg quite easily. In fact the label says it's made with real eggs," Romney said.

A poll taken Tuesday night by Stan Dardeviasian Opinion Research showed an uptick in support for the Romney-Ryan ticket in Minnesota, home of the world famous Real Mayo Clinic.

In a related story, Mitt Romney picked up the endorsement of Keebler Bakeries, which has plans to convert hollow trees into banks.

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August 13, 2012
Media missed embarrassing banner

Typo or amnesia?
A walkway of the USS Wisconsin was adorned with a Mission Accomplished banner, during Mitt Romney's introduction of Rep. Paul Ryan last Saturday. Romney campaign staff apologized for what was termed a typographical error, but were not aware the phrase is negatively associated with former President George W. Bush's premature declaration of victory in Iraq.

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August 5, 2012
FOX-backed rover nears "probably red planet"

Another American spacecraft is in position to land on Mars.

The O'Reilly Rovor, financially backed by the FOX News Channel, is expected to touch down early Monday, shortly after the landing of US taxpayer-funded Curiosity.

The O'Reilly Rovor motto is Falafela -- "Latin for to seek truth," according to Tobor Frandle, FOX's launch director, speaking from mission control at Christian Broadcasting Network studios in Virginia Beach, Virginia.

"Although maybe it should be 'we report back telemetry, you decide,' because that's really what this is all about," said Frandle.

"The mission of The O'Reilly Rovor is to gather a second set of facts about Mars," he explained.

"All of these decades of Mars so-called exploration, we've only been getting one set of facts about Mars, -- the federal, big government side."

"With The O'Reilly Rovor, for the first time we'll have the other side of the story of the probably red planet, if you believe JPL," Frandle continued.

"Why is Mars called the red planet anyway? JPL says it's the color of the soil -- but some say it's due to Communism. We're going to find out," he said.

"And I stress probably, because the other, other unofficial mission motto is 'you can't believe your own eyes'," Frandle said.

A fact sheet on The O'Reilly Rovor reads: "The FOX rover is about the size of the Oldsmobile sedan the late Senator Edward M. Kennedy drove in the 1969 Chappaquiddick accident that took the life of Mary Jo Kopechne.

The two ton 'The O'Reilly Rovor' is powered by a copy of the Iranian nuclear reactor. However the chassis, axles and body panels are made from sustainably grown wood, in keeping with Fox News Channel's green business practices policy."

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July 30, 2012
Group wants public to exercise right to bear bombs

A 2nd amendment group is advocating the wider exercise of the right to bear arms, as a way to empower Americans concerned about personal security in the wake of the Aurora, Colorado movie theater massacre.

James Holmes, 24, has been charged in the July 20 shootings.

"What we have today is an arms race, between the people who kill people and the people who don't," said Thomas N. Terwilliger, spokesman for Citizens Armed & Bearing Ordnance Or Munitions (CABOOM).

"CABOOM believes the people who don't kill need to stop ignoring the arms race. Peace loving Americans need to be better prepared to kill the people who kill people," said Terwilliger.

"Holmes could have been stopped if others in the theater had been armed with bombs or mines or hand grenades, which would have rendered his body armor ineffective," he said.

Gun control groups have called CABOOM's advocacy of a more powerfully armed populace a dangerous escalation the Founders never envisioned, a characterization Terwilliger rejects.

"Of course the founding fathers saw this coming, where do you think 'the bombs bursting in air' came from?" he declared, cradling a Russian-made hand grenade.

"The explosives control extremists can have my grenade when they pry it from my cold dead hand, and pry the pin from my other cold dead hand in order to put it back in the grenade," Terwilliger said.

In a related story, the National Rifle Association has issued a statement reiterating opposition to new laws that might limit magazine capacities or restrict ammunition sales. "Most people have bad aim," according to the statement.

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July 26, 2012
Romney staff shakeup

After being repeatedly embarassed by missteps at public appearances, projected Republican nominee for the White House Mitt Romney today replaced all six of his campaign's schedulers.

A source traveling with the Romney campaign in London on the candidate's foreign policy tour said the move was made to gain more variety in public appearances.

"Those knuckleheads seemed to schedule me in only two kinds of places -- businesses I helped loot, and mom & pop food places," the source said on condition of anonymity.

The source went on to add, "I like a good pastisserie as much as the next chap, but I've gained 20 pounds from all the pie shops, 7-11 bakeries and greasy spoons I've been visiting."

"I -- I mean Mitt Romney -- can't very well call for government belt tightening if all the while I'm ballooning to Chris Christie proportions," he said.

"Hopefully, these new schedulers will do a better job for m- him."

Romney's new chief scheduler Dean N. DeLuca said that when the campaign visits cafes and bakeries in the future, they will be high-profile corporate food brands that are also major American job creators.

"We think Gov. Romney should only be eating at the quintessential all-American restaurant -- McDonald's," said DeLuca.

"What's more, this will happen in conjunction with something we're calling the Mitt Romney Patriot Diet, by which the governor will lose 30-40 pounds," DeLuca continued.

"By achieving such weight loss with McDonald's, Mitt Romney will show how America's corporate food, created by good old fashioned mass-production, is the healthiest in the world."

But he won't be having the French fries. "The governor considers French fries to be extraordinarily foreign," DeLuca said.

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July 23, 2012
'Real American' Sununu on Romney's VP list

Former New Hampshire Governor John Sununu, the Mitt Romney campaign surrogate who last week said he wished President Obama "would learn how to be an American," is on Romney's short list for vice presidential running mate.

"What Americans want on the ticket is a real American, and Gov. Sununu has that in spades -- and I swear I don't mean anything racial by that," Romney exclusively told Eritas.

The still-likely Republican nominee said he has even had his official court composer develop a musical jingle for Sununu. Listen:

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July 13, 2012
Romney - Offshore bank accounts are patriotic

"I'm spreading American economic imperialism overseas"

Mitt Romney went on the offensive today to counter political fallout over his personal finances, including negative public reaction to his foreign bank accounts.

"I have my money in foreign banks because it's patriotic. I'm spreading American economic imperialism overseas," Romney said in an exclusive interview on the Fox News program Fox Five.

The projected Republican nominee for president said he has learned from his financial blind trust that, in fact, he now owns major portions of many countries, including Italy, Greece, Spain and Portugal. In addition, it was revealed that there is $100 million in the former Massachusetts governor's IRA (Independent Republic of Albania).

"I've done very well, I could buy and sell each one of you. In fact, in the case of two of you, I already have," Romney told the co-hosts.

"Barack Obama is going around the world apologizing instead of taking over. But I have gotten a head start on my presidency by using my own money to take over other countries," said Romney.

"In fact, I have controlling interests in 47 nations, giving me more overseas territories than the US government," he added.

"This is an example of what the private sector can accomplish in a Romney administration, when people like me will take back America. And by that I mean buy it," Romney said.

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July 9, 2012
Romney sees hope in new poll

"Only One Percent say they're better off than 4 years ago"

Projected Republican nominee for president Mitt Romney is finding encouragement in a new poll.

The poll released Sunday by Stan Dardeviasian Opinion Research found that only one percent of Americans say they are better off today than four years ago.

"I say to the rest of you -- I'm the candidate of you, the 99 percent who don't think you are better off," said Romney, the former Massachusetts governor. His comments came Sunday evening, as Romney was about to attend a $50,000 a plate fundraising dinner on New York's Long Island.

His meal was comped, a campaign spokesperson said.

Romney, 65, touted his outsider credentials: "I've only won one of my campaigns for political office, whereas Barack Obama has won all of his."

"And I understand what it's like to have to work at more than one job to make ends meet. Why, sometimes I'm on three or four company boards at the same time," he said.

Romney said he was astounded by the poll. "If only one percent are doing well, it means Barack Obama hasn't given his predecessor's tax cuts enough more time to create jobs."

The former co-founder of Bain Capital returned to his theme of his business experience. "I can show you how to invest your trust fund, take over other businesses, borrow against acquisitions, offshore jobs, manipulate stock offerings, hide your money in overseas banks, take borderline tax deductions -- everything you need to know to become prosperous in a Mitt Romney America."

Romney said he had yet to meet and speak with members of the 99 percent, "but I expect they are quite busy -- collecting food stamps, worshipping god, or making sandwiches, bakery goods and such."

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July 6, 2012
Romney would cut taxes of health creators

"Quality health with attractive financing"

Mitt Romney continued his attack on President Obama's health reform today, with the projected GOP nominee maintaining his campaign theme that the the best route for reforming health is the private sector.

"President Obama doesn't have my private sector business experience, so he doesn't believe as I do that you have to cut the taxes of the health creators," Romney said to a gathering of campaign investors in Aetna, Connecticut.

Romney pledged to use his decades of experience avoiding taxes to ease the burden on health creators. "I'll make sure tax cuts are put to work creating good-paying, private sector health that will trickle down on the American people."

The former Massachusetts governor, citing his experience growing companies like Boston Erectile Dysfunction Group, explained how pharmaceutical, hospital, insurance, and medical services companies need the certainty that only cutting taxes can provide. "Health creators won't create health if taxes threaten the size of their bonuses, premium hikes and profit margins," warned Romney.

"If you just trust me, tax cuts will create health the same way tax cuts create jobs, and soon we'll all have quality health with attractive financing."

Romney also said free market competition would render President Obama's hoped-for expansion of Medicaid by the states unnecessary.

"I'm not concerned about the very poor being able to afford health. If they need a health mortgage they can borrow money for the downpayment from their parents," Romney said.

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July 2, 2012
Vancouver, WA welcomes 'Obamacare refugees' who think they are in Canada

The welcome mat is out in Vancouver, Washington today, as the city finds its population swelled by Republicans who think they have fled to Canada.

To a person the so-called 'Obamacare refugees' say they escaped the United States just one step ahead of socialized medicine, ruled constitutional by the US Supreme Court last Thursday.

New Vancouver resident Orly Frandle says she has quickly grown to love Canada. "I just tried to buy health insurance here in Vancouver and had my application denied. Now that's freedom," said Frandle, who described herself as a birth certificate authentication enthusiast from Orange County, California.

Frandle said she is finding life in Canada to be just like life in the States. "I don't know why more patriotic Americans don't move here. Canadians seem to love America more than our President, even the post offices here are US Post Offices," Frandle said.

A huge NBA fan, Frandle chose to flee to Vancouver because of its proximity to Portland. "I've already gone to a Trailblazers game. It's so close, I had no idea Portland is just across the British Columbia River from Vancouver," she said.

However, she worries over the fact that she can return from Portland without having to stop at a border checkpoint. Her new country should strengthen its southern border with the US, Frandle said, "to keep out the Mexicans."

One expert says to look for immigration to Vancouver, Washington to continue under the Obama administration. "Not only will Vancouver receive more of these Obamacare refugees, so will Waterloo, Iowa, Centerville, Utah, and all the Springfields," said Jess R. Bolen Jr., spokesman for the Association of North American Cities With The Same Name.

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June 28, 2012
Romney - Poverty the incentive that will fix health care

Following the Supreme Court's upholding of the constitutionality of nearly all of President Obama's Affordable Care Act, Mitt Romney says he will still propose replacing the federal plan with his own market based plan.

"My health care plan is incentive-based, and the greatest incentive of all is poverty," the projected Republican nominee for president said this morning in remarks to reporters covering the insurance industry, shortly after the high court ruling was released.

The press conference saw Romney scale back his heated campaign rhetoric toward the president, with the former Massachusetts governor saying "Obama has only done one thing during his first three and a half years in office."

Holding up a blank piece of paper, Romney called it "the only legislation we need."

"My experience in the private sector taught me Americans will work their asses off in an attempt to improve their shitty lives," said Romney, who cofounded the private equity firm Bain Capital.

"The secret is to cut their pay and benefits. I can't tell you how many times we took over a company and screwed the non-unionized employees, and it was just an incentive pushing them to work harder to pay their bills," he said.

Romney continued: "Insurance is expensive, but that expensiveness is the incentive that will make people work harder so they can afford insurance. That's personal responsibility, and that's the liberty the American people hunger for. Having to choose between food and health care helps make that hunger a reality."

He exhorted the insurance industry to keep hiking premiums. "It's the most patriotic and compassionate thing you can do, second only to maximizing your executive bonuses," Romney said.

Romney noted that Americans can afford higher premiums because 12 million are to receive rebates totaling $1.1 billion under the Affordable Care Act.

As for those still unable to afford insurance, "Our best in the world health care system will eventually trickle down on them," Romney said.

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June 22, 2012
Everything's coming up Holder

News roundup

  • Mindful of the need for Congress to not appear dysfunctional to the public, House Speaker John Boehner has offered to mediate the dispute between Oversight Committee Chairman Darrell Issa and the Obama Administration.

    "I have ashked Chairman Issa and Attorney General Holder to meet for drunks- for dinks- for cocktails," Boehner said during a press conference held at the National Press Club members lounge.

    "The snug environs of an old man bar breaks down barriers, and buying your Speaker a martooni is a great icebreaker," observed Boehner.

    Boehner is hopeful a compromise can be found. "Allz I'm shaying is, can't we all jusht get along?"

    "I love you man! Call Speaker Boner a cab, and I mean a Cabernet," he said.

  • Chairman Issa said he hopes to question Holder again, "but this time the gloves are coming off."

    "If Holder doesn't give me the answers I want to hear, I will enhance my interrogation techniques and employ waterboarding," said Issa.

    Issa said there is a suitable sink in the janitorial supply room two doors down the corridor from the Oversight Committee chamber.

  • Wayne LaPierre says Holder must also answer questions about a fictional crime in the Pacific Northwest. "A 'Detective Holder' -- obviously code for Eric Holder -- was on the Rosie Larsen murder case," said LaPierre, an official of the National Rifle Association.

    "The American people have a right to know why that case concluded with one of the murderers being shot with a handgun. "

    "Depiction of gun related fiction is President Obama's secret agenda to alarm the public, as an excuse to attack the second amendment."

  • Fox News honcho Roger Ailes announced his network is expanding its coverage of the 'Fast and Furious' investigation, hiring former Reagan National Security Council staffer Oliver North as Fox's Central America Arms Sales Analyst.

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    June 21, 2012
    Rubio proposal to create path to noncitizenship

    Beaten to the punch by President Obama's change of policy regarding youthful undocumented aliens, Sen. Marco Rubio is reworking the immigration plan he has been drafting at the behest of Republican leaders and projected nominee Mitt Romney.

    Like the president's proposal, Rubio's plan will not offer a path to citizenship. However the Florida lawmaker says he will go even farther.

    "What America needs this November is a clear alternative to Obama on immigration. Therefore Mitt Romney will be running on a pledge to create a path to noncitizenship," said Rubio, a potential Romney running mate.

    "We're going to start immediately in Florida, where Governor Rick Scott will purge ineligible voters, fasttracking them onto the path to noncitizenship. Then in September we'll expand into swing states with growing Latino populations," he said.

    Humane approach

    "This is a humane approach," added Rubio.

    "The idea is that newly minted noncitizens will choose to self-deport back to the countries their ancestors came from. These countries tend to have better education systems, social safety nets and universal health care."

    Rubio said his plan also makes good economic sense: "The more noncitizens we create, the more wealth for the rest of us."

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    June 15, 2012
    Michigan House considers bill requiring child locks on dictionaries

    A Michigan state representative has offered legislation requiring child locks on dictionaries.

    Submitted to the House Clerk's office in an unlabelled plain brown envelope, the bill (HR-OU812) if passed in current form would require all dictionaries sold or distributed in Michigan to be equipped with mechanical, electronic or biometric locking devices.

    There are three deadlines. Publishers would have until the end of 2012 to lock the V words, March 15, 2013 to lock F and S, and August 30, 2013 to lock the other 23 letters.

    Bill sponsor Jim Stamas, the majority floor leader, explained his bill "gives parents control, a commonsense way to remove from the public realm any words that would make us think about, uh, you know."

    Stamas said the bill is a response to the June 13 House floor debate on anti-abortion legislation, during which Rep. Lisa Brown (D-West Broomfield) and Rep. Barb Byrum (D-Onondaga) each "uttered a certain, shocking word," Stamas recalled.

    "I and every member of the Republican caucus -- excuse my language -- spend a lot of time trying to avoid thinking about, you know. To have Ms. Brown and Ms. Byrum talk about their, you know, is offensive to the rest of us," said Stamas.

    Stamas denied any prudish or misogynistic intent behind HR-OU812. "I have friends who have, you know," he said.

    Companion legislation from Rep. Mike Callton (R-Nashville) would appropriate funds to purchase 69,000 Sharpies. The popular markers would be handed out by churches and charter schools, "so that any concerned citizen can black out, you know, and any other offensive words, in dictionaries already in the state's homes, schools and libraries," according to a statement from Callton's office.

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    June 14, 2012
    Vitter plans GOP pay equity for brothels

    A comprehensive Republican 'repeal and replace' package has been assembled for almost all laws enacted during the Obama Administration, Eritas has learned.

    "Although free market alternatives to Obamacare are what everyone is talking about, the reality is on day one of a Romney Administration, Republicans will be ready to repeal and replace the entirety of the Obama program," said Senator David Vitter.

    The Louisiana lawmaker has personally drafted one of many GOP measures to rake the place of the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, which was the first piece of legislation signed into law by President Obama.

    "These blanket laws that treat everyone the same are just plain socialism, the American way should be to address compensation issues on an industry-by-industry basis," explained Vitter. His bill, the Fair Pay For Play Act, would address pay for employees of high-end brothels.

    Vitter further said Americans are worried about inflation, and he pins the blame on collective bargaining. "The Lilly Ledbetter Act meant well, but is ineffective. It leaves the madam between you and your escort, adding unnecessary costs," he said.

    "The free market solution I'm proposing will let consumers negotiate individually with each service provider, cutting out the middleman, or middlewoman," Vitter continued.

    Equity would be defined as whatever price each provider can negotiate, "because if everyone charged the same, it would be harder for johns to know who is the best blowjob creator," Vitter said.

    Vitter sees Fair Pay For Play as just a first step leading to a federal single payer system: "It would be easier if I could just bill those costs under Miscellaneous in my office budget."

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    June 7, 2012
    Young Romney impersonated secret agent in Paris

    "Often put on MiB glasses"
    Mormon in Black
    Mitt Romney in France dressed as MiB agent, in photo dated 1967.

    The Mitt Romney campaign is reeling from another embarrassing disclosure today, this time dating to the two and a half years he performed Mormon missionary work in France.

    Yesterday the National Memo reported 18 year old Romney, then a Stanford University freshman in 1965 to 1966, owned a Michigan State Trooper's uniform and would use it to pull over drivers, while driving a white Rambler decked out with a flashing light.

    The new claim is from a fellow missionary who served with Romney in France from 1966 to 1969. Bill K. Frandle says Romney often pretended to be an agent of the 'Men in Black' agency -- well-known today, but in the 1960s its existence was routinely denied by the US government.

    "Mitt, in his black missionary suit, would often put on MiB glasses and roam around Paris accusing French girls of being aliens," said Frandle, now a dealcoholized wine steward in Marina Del Rey, California.

    Sometimes Romney would bring the Parisiennes back to the Mission Home, "for questioning. 'Where is your spaceship?' 'Let me help you out of that mademoiselle disguise, it must be hot in there,' that sort of thing," he said.

    "He would let them go after threatening them with a Fisher Space Pen. 'Don't mention this to anyone or I'll neuralize you,' he'd say, and the girls would just giggle. No wonder he never converted anyone," Frandle said, shaking his head.

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    June 6, 2012
    Walker agenda for second half-term

    To transform Wisconsin into homeport for alien starship

    Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker announced his agenda for his second half-term in office Wednesday, the morning after surviving the state's historic recall election.

    The Republican easily defeated Milwaukee mayor Tom Barrett, who now has 30 days to get a tattoo reading Stop Me Before I Run Again.

    The centerpiece of Walker's ambitious plan is infrastructure, and will see Wisconsin transformed into the new homeport for the Xerkonian driveship Monsan-To and its support ships.

    The impressive spacecraft is currently hovering above the capitol building in Madison, where it has been tethered since emerging from hyperspace early today.

    Walker announced the homeport project in a joint news conference with Xerkon VI representatives. "The project is affordable now that unions are out of the picture," he said.

    "Here are jobs, many jobs for hu-mans to work maintaining and supplying Monsan-To and ten ship battlegroup," declared Xerkonian cloudbeing Zan-Tor, community affairs officer for the diplomatic section aboard the Monsan-To.

    "Homeport not only docking gantries. Homeport also need administration buildings, barracks, supply depot, pacification towers, and dry docks. Also visitor center for recruitment and processing of hu-mans into Spacemeals Ready To Eat," said Zan-Tor.

    "There will be gift shop," he added.

    The governor stressed there will be creation of good jobs, "and limited survivor benefits for the eaten."

    "And I didn't mention union stripping once in 2010," Walker replied, when asked by reporters why he didn't talk about the homeport during the recall campaign.

    Walker also used the occasion to issue a no bid contract to Koch Industries for homeport construction.

    "Eventually the entire state of Wisconsin will be adapted to serve the homeport, creating even more jobs," Walker said.

    On Twitter, projected Republican nominee for president Mitt Romney hailed the project, tweeting: "I for one welcome our job creator overlords."

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    There are 2 comments
    April 18, 2016 - 04:54


    April 18, 2016 - 04:53

    Nice post.

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