- This Month +

1 New era for U.S. in Iraq
2 Pakistan releases cause of Bhutto's death
4 "Run, Jesus, run!"
7 Bush to visit Mid East
9 Deal on eavesdropping?
11 Iran threatens U.S. ships
11 Gregoire unveils 520 bridge plan
14 Michigan primary still close
15 Pollster denies torture
16 Democracy scare evacuates Nevada court
18 GOP rivals allege dirty tricks
23 Legislature proposes single payer
25 Bush, Congress compromise on stimulant package
28 America plans shopping spree
28 SOTU Live Blogging
30 Edwards assimilated by the Clinton

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"We will add his distinctiveness to our own"

The field of 2008 Democratic presidential candidates shrank by one today, with Sen. John Edwards announcing he is being assimilated by current front runner Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Edwards' decision to end his candidacy comes the day after his 14% third place finish in the Florida Democratic primary. Clinton won with 50%, and Sen. Barack Obama was second with 33%.

It was the latest disappointing primary battle for the former North Carolina senator, who has been unable to improve on his second place finish in the Iowa caucuses, when he edged Clinton. Yesterday Edwards finally ran out of unused deflector shield frequency combinations. Clinton was able to adapt her triangulation beams to match those frequencies, sealing her victory.

Though Democrats were technically barred by the Democratic National Committee from campaigning in the state for reasons no one really cares about, this did not prevent Clinton from flying her campaign cube to Fort Lauderdale from Washington late in the day on Tuesday. When the polls closed Clinton joined jubilant supporters at the Signature Grand ballroom in Davie, FL, where she led the crowd in chanting her new campaign slogan, "resistance is futile."

When told of Edwards' decision, Clinton welcomed his assimilation, saying she hoped she can count on his support. "We will add his distinctiveness to our own, he will adapt to service us," Clinton said.

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OK rebates to buy Starbucks $1 coffees

President Bush welcomed yesterday's Congressional approval of his economic stimulant package, calling it a good sign for the American economy. "The end is just around the corner," Bush said, upon receiving word of the bipartisan vote in the middle of his daily five hour bike ride.

Bush's plan will start by putting two dollars in the pocket of every Seattle taxpayer for the purpose of buying Starbucks Coffee's new one-dollar cups of coffee, which the Seattle-based global coffee shop giant introduced in its hometown yesterday.

The president lauded the benefits of coffee as an economic stimulant. "Caffeine is the hard-working American's drug of choice, and it's legal," he said. "It provides enough stimulationness so a person can work two or even three jobs."

Bush said Starbucks is being specifically targeted "because it's a good product, a great value, because you'll get free refills," the president said, adding, "by being an economical stimulant, it stimulates the economy."

"The economy has been looking a bit sleepy, I'll admit. But when these dollar coffees go national, the economy will be back on firm grounds," Bush said.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said Congress would take up the plan, The It's Morning in America, Wake Up and Smell the Coffee Act of 2008, "at the earliest date."

But Pelosi's Senate counterpart, Majority Leader Harry Reid, said the upper house would not act in haste, saying that caffeine is against his religion. However, Reid's fellow Mormon Gov. Mitt Romney urged Congress to include decaf in the package.

The other Republican presidential candidates generally voiced support for the stimulant package, although Former New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani questioned whether it is fair to provide coffee to the working poor, since most of them don't earn enough to pay taxes. By targeting the stimulant plan to the rich, Giuliani said, the per-taxpayer amount could be increased to $9.11.

Bush also named Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz and Mr. Juan Valdez of Colombia to the Council of Economic Advisors.

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Only one taxpayer under tax simplification plan

The 2008 session of the Washington Legislature is quickly shaping up as the tax reform session, with two plans introduced on Tuesday.

One, HB-2977, would make it easier to appeal property tax valuations. It is likely dead on arrival, because it would benefit commercial property firms having little support in the legislature.

But another bill introduced on Tuesday is being talked up as the ultimate in tax simplification.

Underlying HB-666 is a revolutionary concept called Single Payer, which would enact far-reaching cuts and exemptions in sales and property taxes and user fees.

The qualifying criteria would be so broad the net result would be every person and business in the state would receive a tax exemption. All -- except one, according to Stan Dardeduction of the conservative policy group Washington Tax Unfairness Institute.

"That person is the single payer," explained Dardeduction, introducing HB-666 in a joint appearance with a Department of Revenue official who would only identify herself as Madame Martine.

The system would be fair because everyone would not pay taxes regardless of socioeconomic status, said Dardeduction. "The person still standing when the music stops will have been chosen in essentially a random manner."

Martine agreed, saying if enacted the plan would bring a $500 million surplus after the first biennium. "The entrails never lie," she said.

Reverse lottery possible

Some have doubts about Single Payer, such as Greg Nickels of Citizens for Paul Allen, a grassroots good-government group.

"It's pretty clear this is aimed at putting the state's entire tax burden on Paul Allen," said Nickels.

"Everyone thinks Allen has all the money in the world, when the truth is that he provides jobs for tens of thousands of Washingtonians, especially in the museum-grade collectibles and gentrification industries," he said. "In a very real sense Paul Allen is the least able to afford taxes," Nickels said.

For Single Payer to be fair and enjoy compliance it must be simple and fun, says Nickels. He proposes a reverse state lottery, in which citizens would buy one dollar anti-Lotto tickets to remove themselves from the taxpayer pool. Nickels says this would be fair because everyone would pay at least a token tax, but increase the chances that the person not buying a ticket would have the greatest ability to pay.

Nickels described two categories of ideal taxpayers. "Really young kids, who have a whole lifetime of earning potential ahead of them, and people who can afford to travel and are out of the country."

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God accused of push-polling for front-runner Jesus

The campaign of former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney today charged that the campaign of GOP frontrunner Jesus H. Christ of Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, is engaging in dirty tricks in South Carolina. The new charges come as Christ and his closest rivals intensified efforts leading up to tomorrow's Republican primary.

Romney spokesperson Josephine Smith told reporters that likely Republican voters in South Carolina are being push-polled by Christ's father, god. Some South Carolinians report a bright light, a choir of angels, and a voice that asks them questions ostensibly about their presidential preference, said Smith.

She said god's questions were actually disinformation intended to swing support to his son.

"It's just not right when people are driving to work, or shopping, or making dinner, and suddenly here's god asking them loaded questions like, if you knew Mitt Romney had impure thoughts 21 times today, would you be more or less likely to vote for him?" Smith said. "How do you think they're going to vote after that?"

Other GOP campaigns in the state say their supporters have received similar calls, and some candidates are hitting back.

Sen. John McCain, today leading Christ by 3% in a new Charleston Post and Courier poll, told an audience at a Myrtle Beach rally that Jesus would raise taxes. "Voters had better keep their hand on their wallets, because if Jesus has his way Americans will be rendering a lot more to Caesar," McCain told his supporters. McCain also said Christ's often-quoted statement that the meek will inherit the Earth "nothing less than a call for class warfare."

Former New York mayor Rudolph Giuliani, speaking from Florida by speakerphone, told a gathering of supporters that, while he was not questioning Christ's patriotism, "beating swords into ploughshares is the kind of pacifism that will bring another 9-11."

Former Sen. Fred Thompson criticized Christ as "wrong on business, he never mentioned corporations in the New Testament," and reminded listeners of a physical altercation Christ once had with the staff of a church-based savings and loan. "You have to wonder if he has the temperment to be president," Thompson said. Thompson also repeatedly referred to Christ using his full name, "Jesus Hussein Christ."

Former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee, called Jesus too liberal. Huckabee criticized Christ's record as messiah, noting Jesus failed to ever carry out any executions, and questioned whether Christ's upbringing made him too permissive. "Christ's biological parents never married," Huckabee said.

"Jesus never said one word about the homosexual agenda," according to a radio ad from the campaign of former ambassador Alan Keyes. "A president needs to set an example for our children, open tolerance is not the way," intones the announcer.

Christ campaign spokesperson Lazarus Frandle denied any coordination with god. "Any actions god took were own his own, independent of the campaign," Frandle said. Frandle said some Jesus supporters had also been push-polled by unidentified groups.

Denise Morgan of Berkeley County, an independent voter who describes herself as undecided but leaning toward Jesus and Democratic senator Barack Obama, said she received such a call Monday evening during dinner.

"It was the stupidest thing," said Morgan, 23, a retired fashion model, physicist and mother of two. "One of the things they asked was 'would you be more or less likely to vote for Jesus if you knew he loved his neighbor?' And, 'Did you know Jesus suffers the little children?' It was disgusting, dirty politics."

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Unattended package contained quality journalism

The Nevada Supreme Court in Carson City was evacuated and shut down Tuesday, after an attorney spotted an unattended package and alerted security personnel.

The court was in session to decide NBC Universal's appeal of a district judge's order that Rep. Dennis Kucinich be included in last night's MSNBC Democratic presidential debate. But the proceedings stopped when an NBC attorney spotted the unattended package in the public gallery.

Fearful that the package could contain democracy, authorities decided to evacuate the court complex. The state police bomb squad removed the package to a smoke-filled back room away from public view, where it was blown up.

The contents were examined and found to contain only journalistic standards.

"Corporate media control of the electoral process was never in any danger," said court press officer Tanya Shareholder-Frandle.

The justices reconvened and heard the case, in which NBC attorneys argued the network could only find a table large enough for three candidates to sit at. The court ruled in NBC's favor, allowing the debate to proceed without Kucinich.

"This decision was a victory for the first amendment, and we only had to rent three chairs," said NBC Vice President for Deals Howie Mandel.

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Admits to enhanced interviewing techniques

The USA Today official in charge of polling said today that he does not use torture when interviewing likely voters about the 2008 presidential election.

"This newspaper does not torture," USA Today director of opinion research Alberto Gonzales said today in the USA.

Gonzales denied recently published reports that USA Today had started detaining survey subjects in a network of secret prisons, a practice called extraordinary sampling. Reports contained interviews with voters who said they had been detained as the result of extraordinary sampling, which includes claims that they had been subjected to sleep deprivation, beatings, waterboarding, and videotapes of the canceled Fox News program "Half Hour News Hour."

Gonzales

"I categorically deny there is such a thing as extraordinary sampling," Gonzales said. "Although we do employ some enhanced interviewing techniques, because it is so important to do accurate polling. But nothing with the intention to inflict serious physical injury, such as organ failure, impairment of bodily function, or even death."

"The truth is that we offer people all-expenses paid vacations to our chain of international opinion research resorts, located in warm parts of the world, just for agreeing to take a presidential preference poll," he said.

"We don't waterboard, but the swimming pools do have diving boards," he said, before pausing and remarking, "Yeah, that's the ticket."

In other news, Democratic presidential hopeful Sen. Barack Obama responded yesterday to rival Hillary Clinton's comments that he has changed his position on Iraq. "My view on the war has always been that Sen. Clinton should not have diminished Martin Luther King's role in bringing about the Civil Rights Act, and it always will be," Obama said. "I can't believe I'm losing to these guys," commented former Sen. John Edwards.

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40% of pollsters still Undecided

Sen. Hillary Clinton continues to cling to a narrow lead in Michigan's Democratic primary, with the state's voters set to cast ballots tomorrow.

Polls taken Sunday showed Hillary Clinton out ahead with 100% of the vote, with everyone else in second place with zero percent. The poll included a 12% or possibly 20% margin of error, or maybe even 50%.

Pollsters continue to display a high degree of caution in their polling, despite Clinton being the only major Democratic candidate on the ballot in the wolverine state. Democratic presidential candidates are skipping Michigan because no delegates will be awarded, due to reasons no one cares really about.

Fox News pollster Stan Dardeviasian said that after all the exit surveys failed to predict Clinton's late surge to win last week's New Hampshire primary, pollsters resolved to be extra careful in Michigan. "I'm going to be using a calculator this time," said Dardeviasian.

Dardeviasian "is pretty sure" his fellow pollsters will say Clinton will win, with 55% of the vote. He can't be more certain because few of his colleagues will indicate a decision about the winner.

"Gallup is one of only four who would tell me they think Clinton will win," said Dardeviasian. He added that 40% had yet to make up their minds.

Contacted for this story, Gallup, Roper and Zogby International said they are undecided, while the Harris Poll and Washington Post-ABC were undecided about whether they are undecided.

"The undecideds are going to be decisive in predicting Michigan," Dardeviasian said. "At least, I think so."

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Trolls would fund replacement, will float on trial balloons

Governor Chris Gregoire unveiled her long awaited plan for replacement of the aging State Route 520 Evergreen Point floating bridge today, advocating a revolutionary engineering design. She also proposed to fund and build the bridge with trolls on the existing bridge, as well as on the Interstate 90 bridge.

Gregoire said that without trolls the new bridge would be too expensive. "Trolls are a very industrious and clever people who will have the bridge built and paid for in no time," said Gregoire. She said the trolls would also likely become a draw for the fantasy and mythology tourism industry.

The new bridge will have one general purpose and one HOV lane in each direction. It will be constructed from straw, using a new structural engineering technique called Multi Angular Networking (M.A.N.). Instead of conventional pontoons, a system of trial balloons will be used for flotation.

Immediate reaction has been negative.

Morton Frandle, a Seattle civil engineer, was especially critical of the plan's flotation component. "Trial balloons may look good initially, but they have unpredictable buoyancy," Frandle said. "Any increases in fuel prices or congestion could sink the whole thing."

Transit and environmental groups also issued statements against the plan, with the Sierra Club doubtful that trial balloons could support the weight of light rail.

Ivor Silverbuckle, spokesperson for the Faery Tale Anti-Defamation Council, denounced the Gregoire plan as ethnically insensitive. "It's an example of the most insidious kind of stereotyping. Trolls have come a long way from Grimm's stories, in the new millennium we come from all walks of life and socioeconomic groups," said Silverbuckle.

Prominent American trolls include syndicated columnist Michelle Malkin and Minneapolis cartoonist Ken Avidor, according to Silverbuckle.

"The idea that the governor thinks of us as quaint little revenue collectors in traditional costumes is offensive, and my organization will be demanding a full and formal apology," Silverbuckle said.

Gov. Gregoire's plan also faces tough going in the Legislature, which just opened its 2008 session. Sen. Hedwig Goldbuckle of the 50th District called the proposal inadequate, saying it ignored growth projections.

"I can't imagine what she could be thinking with this straw M.A.N. design," said Goldbuckle. "It's almost as if she was hoping the idea will be rejected in favor of a larger, more expensive plan."

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Radioed demand for 12 Big Macs, 12 large fries, 8 Cokes, 4 chocolate shakes and an apple pie

The Pentagon reported today that Navy vessels in the Strait of Hormuz were menaced by Iranian speedboats, an incident that included a radioed threat from the Iranians.

Iranian "fastboats" approached the U.S. warships and acted in a provocative manner, said Lt. (j.g.) Felicity Frandle, a spokesperson for the U.S. 5th Fleet based in Bahrain. Frandle said the provocative actions included targeting the U.S. ships with low-cut blouses, lace camisoles and pouting with full lips.

The Pentagon press office in Washington released an audio recording of the incident, which it said established the Iranians' hostile intentions. Although there was considerable static over the accented voice, in context of the movements of the Iranian vessels the message was clearly threatening, Frandle said.

In a related story, on a state visit to the Mideast, President Bush proposed today that all oil shipped through the Strait of Hormuz be free of hydrogenated trans fats.

Breaking Story: Pentagon sources speaking on condition of anonymity believe Iran may be preparing more encounters with U.S. naval forces patrolling the Persian Gulf region. The sources say the U.S. 5th Fleet has overheard radio transmissions between Iranian patrol boats, using code phrases such as 'Breaker 1-9,' 'Good Buddy,' 'alligator in the granny land,' and 'Smokey's in the air.' The latter is believed to refer to U.S. Navy aircraft. Developing...

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Bush compromise would release celebrity communications

President Bush returned his attention to homeland security on Tuesday, sending Senate leaders a compromise proposal on his warrantless surveillance program.

If Congress approves, U.S. spy agencies would be directed to release recordings and transcripts of the phone and internet activities of celebrities, in exchange for being able to continue listening in on all Americans.

In an exclusive interview on the Fox News program "Craven Journalism," Bush told correspondent Fawn Craven he drafted the plan in order to give Americans a reason to accept domestic surveillance.

"I want to show the American people there can be real benefits of allowing the government to track their every move," said the president. "What better compensation for giving up one's privacy, than invading the privacy of your favorite actors, singers, athletes and socialites?"

Bush's plan would create a new Joint Entertainment Command, shared between the Defense Department and National Security Agency. The Pentagon will raise ten new army divisions, requiring instituting a draft of paparazzi photographers. The NSA would produce programming for a new 24 hour government channel to be called "CSPAN-Stars!"

The U.S. military has decades of film experience, most notably President Ronald Reagan's wartime service at Fort Louis B. Mayer. However success would be less certain for the secretive NSA, which hasn't had a hit since "Get Smart."

Response from within the entertainment industry to Bush's proposal has generally been silence. One show business executive, speaking on condition of anonymity, explained celebrities have a love-hate relationship with being famous: "Celebrities say they need their privacy. At the same time, they also employ publicists. So, mixed messages all 'round."

In other news, Mitt Romney's third medal finish of the 2008 presidential competition, a silver in Tuesday's New Hampshire primary, was marred when his javelin accidentally impaled Sen. John McCain.

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Peace mission to Delaware and Maryland

President Bush will travel to the Middle East to build support for a new plan for peace between Delaware and Maryland. He will leave Tuesday on an eight day trip.

Bush intends to visit Wilmington and Annapolis in an attempt to bring their leaders to the negotiating table.

Bush said he became determined to defuse hostilities between the two warring states after reading the book Misty of Chincoteague.

"This is a wonderful book about a little horse living in eastern Maryland. The story of this little pony caused me to have great sympathy for the Palominostine situation, and the Palomistinians everybody around the White House are always talking about."

Bush said he now considers the book his second-favorite, "after the one about the goat."

"Why can't Delaware and Maryland just get along?" asked Bush. "I can't believe this has been going on since 1948. Sixty years -- it's always amazed me," he said. "Well, the '70s were kinda a blur for me. So we're gonna settle this once and for all, so my presidency can have a legacy," said the president.

"You know. Get 'er done."

Key points to the president's Mideast Peace initiative: