Bush meeting with released detainee.

An unknown number remain in detention

No kidding: Seattle news via Minnesota--

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Pahrump, NV, a Las Vegas satellite community home to radio's Art Bell and the setting for a recent "Studio 60" two-parter, has stood tall and done its bit to safeguard the American Republic. To wit, the Pahrump town council voted 3-2 last week to outlaw the flying of foreign flags--unless flown below the Red, White & Blue.

Violators would face a $50 fine and community service. The same ordinance also declared English the town's official language.

At the time Mr. Richard Stans, founder of the citizens group Pahrump Flags of Liberty, America and Glory (PFLAG), hailed passage of the law.

"America is better than all other countries," exulted Stans, "and this is Pahrump's way of rubbing their noses in it in the most childishly petulant manner imaginable."

However, a backlash is in the making. The Pahrump Business Chamber has urged reconsideration due to the presence in the community of six of the world's largest flag makers. These include San Francisco Values Inc., which makes tolerance-themed Rainbow Flags, and the Malaysia-based Guatemala Flag Co., maker of the inexplicably best-selling Dominican Republic flag.

Businessman Groucho M. Frandle urged caution. "These companies provide hundreds of jobs to Pahrump, as well as kindling for angry mobs the world over," Frandle said. "Damaging these relationships could irreparably damage the local economy," he said. "Without them, there would only be Wal-Mart," warned Frandle.

Pahrump foreign language clubs fearing a crackdown have reportedly gone underground, opening a number of "speakeasys" catering to French, Spanish and Italian speakers.

The State Department has also received official protests from the 37 foreign consulates located in Pahrump, which help generate tourism for the town of 30,000 as well as the entire state of Nevada.

Speaking anonymously in French, one diplomat said tourism would plunge if consular officials were forced to conduct official business in English. "Little old ladies from Marseilles just want to come to Nevada to play the slots, maybe some craps, and catch Celine Dion," said the diplomat. "They don't want to have to learn English just to apply for a tourist visa."

To make matters worse, the law is even garnering opposition from Pahrump ultra-conservatives who will no longer be able to fly Confederate flags.

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The proposal to have Mayor Greg Nickels take over leadership of the Seattle Public Schools is a great idea!

The problems faced by the school district are traceable to weak, divided or ineffective leadership. The result has been a growing budget deficit, unmotivated staff, and way too much surplus district property sitting idle.

The obvious solution is a 180° turn. What is required is a monolithic unitary executive, an authoritarian top-down manager. Preferably one with an interest in trains, real estate and billionaires.

That is Greg Nickels to a tee, and this online column enthusiastically endorses him for the top district job.

Nickels will bring to the school district the same populist vision, blue collar work ethic and relentless dedication to achieving a predetermined outcome that has made him a successful mayor, admired by grateful citizens and deliriously happy City workers alike.

A Seattle school district under Nickels's leadership would be one of excellence in all the ways that count:

School Transportation. The time wasted by the district in researching an in-house bus system is typical of the ineffective leadership of the past. Nickels has a better way to get kids to school: light rail transit. A "SchooLINK" LRT will offer comfortable and predictable service in a high capacity corridor. Yet, we will continue to use the proven technology of the yellow school bus to shuttle children to and from the SchooLINK stations. Bus drivers keep their jobs, the bus contractor keeps its business, and students build a lifetime habit of using mass transit until they're old enough to get their licenses. Win-win-win!

The Deficit. The problem with the district's capital facilities is that there are too many buildings, dispersed over too wide an area. This "sprawl" is just not a sustainable use of land, incompatible with SchoolLINK, and a poor example to teach our children and grandchildren as we build a green future in the 21st century already.

Nickels has a better way. Every morning his first thought is What Can I Do for Paul Allen Today?, and this mantra is right for the schools because it suggests an obvious synergy: to sell all district property to Paul Allen. This will immediately eliminate the deficit and possibly bring a profit. Then, Nickels will receive from Paul Allen a single large parcel in a central location like downtown, where we will build the Seattle Unified Eduplex (SUE)

SUE will be a high-density skyscraper containing all of Seattle's schools, with classrooms and sportsfields on every floor--truly a center for "higher" learning! SchooLINK will serve SUE with the aforementioned SchooLINK rail corridor, bringing children into downtown from two whole directions. Can you say "world class"?

Discipline. If Greg Nickels is known for one thing, it is his compassion. And the other thing is his no-nonsense enforcement of the laws that make Seattle a decent place to live. This translates into school discipline policy that will be square (as the kids say) but fair, and above all moral. Nickels will focus on two principle areas to keep our kids safe: (1) at school sports events, a total prohibition on cheerleading within four feet of a spectator; (2) no lapdancing at school dances, including proms at off-campus facilities. Promgoers especially are preyed upon by the formal wear rental industry, which is well known to be dominated by the Colacurcio family.

Administration. The district's job #1 is education, not property management. So instead of the district owning and managing SUE, Nickels has a better way. He will sell SUE to Paul Allen, who will act as landlord for the district in a complicated public-private (win-win!) leaseback arrangement. Of course Allen is a businessman, not a charity, and will have to charge the district market rate rent. This won't be cheap, as those who have put down deposits on the new downtown highrise condos already know. But who said education is cheap? If we want the high-density luxury education complex that our children and grandchildren deserve, centrally located in an exciting, cosmopolitan, 24/7 downtown, (and don't they deserve the very best?), we should be happy to tax ourselves to pay for it! With special levies every 4-8 years.

Of course, with Nickels there is always an upside. In this case, the high rent paid to Paul Allen would mean Seattle's per-classroom spending would shoot throught the figurative roof! We would be the envy of underfunded school districts everywhere.

The Seattle Public Schools is like a leper in need of a miracle. Greg Nickels can be that savior. The district stands at the edge of either a new frontier or a brave new world, and I. Can't. Wait.

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An important international conference was held last week in Nairobi, Kenya: a meeting of the 160+ countries signatory to the UN Kyoto Protocol on curbing greenhouse-gas emissions. The conferees did not achieve a We Are The World moment beyond a goal of halving CO2 emissions. In fact, there is a growing outcry in the international press post-conference that not enough progress is being made, quickly or decisively enough.

However, some important accomplishments were attained, including: agreement on managing a fund to pay for low-carbon alternatives in the developing world; a 2008 progress review; compliance procedures that effectively make the treaty fully operational.

There was little U.S. Tamestream Media™ coverage of the conference. Of the few that did make it, one focused on a Devil's advocate theory that air pollution may be beneficial. The top Google News hit this morning on nairobi "kyoto protocol" is an anti-Kyoto manifesto at FrontPage.

Paucity of coverage gives greater prominence to loony-right opinion, not to mention pooh-poohing of green-consumerism. The question then is why the Kyoto nations aren't getting a bigger news bounce in the USA. Clearly they need to redesign their message to appeal to the Liberal U.S. Media*

There are a great many important and serious issues competing for media attention in America. Kyoto needs a new publicist who can couch global warming in the sort of nuanced, substantive terms preferred by our print and electronic media. Some suggestions:

WA Physicians for Social Responsibility

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FIRST TIME ANYWHERE! Excerpt from George W. Bush's memoirs!

G.W. Bush—Memwars Chapter 23 My Baseball Skills Comes in Handy      The Asia Specific Economic Conference takes place in Asia every few years. I think the S is silent, because everyone says "pecific" and calls it "APEC." Go figure. Must have something to do with the United Nations.      The 2006 APEC meeting was to be in Vietnam, which is a place I've always wanted to see.      I did not know what to expect as far as accommidations. I asked Karl if we would have to sleep on board Air Force One, since the hotels weren't so good.      "What do you mean," responded Turd Blossom, "we're staying at the Sheraton, the Prezdential Suite. It's five stars."      "That's funny," said I, "because John McCain is always complaining how bad the Hanoi Hilton was the time he stayed there." I guess they must have really improved since they started allowing capitalism. Shows you what the free market can do!      At the welcoming reception I got to meet Segolene Royal, who was running for President of the French, and had just won a primary election. I liked her immediately, because not only is she what the France people call a babe fabuloso, but also she is socialist and therefore very warm and friendly. She smiled a lot at my jokes, such as, "boy, these Vietnamese really kicked your derriéres back then, non?"      I find that the secret to bilinguality is to pronounce the foreign words exactly like they are spelled. This helped me gigantically all through my seven years as Prezdent. 319

G.W. Bush—Memwars      The next morning the conference got started. I guess I forgot to mention before that APEC is all about world trade. This is a subject I am interested in, because I had a lot of experience with trading when I owned the Texas Rangers. So I have been looking forward to APEC as much as I have been looking forward to going to Vietnam.      The first nation I talked to turned out to be the toughest of all I would meet: Shinzo Abe, the new Prezdent of Japan. Although they call they're Prezdent "Prime Minister," which I thought was Blair's job.      Now, Condi and I had been preparing for a long time what deals we would get at APEC. We had worked mostly in the evenings. Sometimes we snuck away at lunch time to study and plan. We had been preparing like this for years.      What I'm saying is that I had this very detailed plan of what we ask for in trades. Like, our nucular technology in exchange for Indian mangos. Another funny thing, since I thought there big thing was corn. Or rather, "maze."      But when I actually sat down with Abe, I soon realized I had to do what in baseball is called "calling an audible."      I started by doing what I always do with foreigners: I looked into Prime Minister Abe's heart. But I was in for a shock, because all of a sudden I noticed he was looking into my heart at the same time! I had to adapt to win. I opened with an offer to let Japan sell its film in the United States if Japan was more open to Kodak film. He replied they have the Fujifilm Co., and that it already sells stuff like "digital" cameras in the United States.      Then he sprung his trap. In exchange for total and complete domination of the United States market for flat screen HDTVs, he offered to share with our scientists Japan's newest Magic Bean technology. He said it is the result of years of research by Toyota, Ricoh, 320

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Snooker Fan Riot Sports Celeb has temper Page 12 Royal diagnosed with overbite Page 7 Breasts Page 3  London Daily Crumpet  Jolly Good News for All the Empire Nov. 15, 2006 BUSH IN MOSCOW SHOCK! by Niall Smythe-Burnham in Moscow U.S. President George W. Bush has surprised the world with a startling career change, one week after his party was humiliated at the polls. The Presidential plane, Air Force One, had stopped in Russia for refueling en route to the Asia Pacific Economic Conference global trade talks in Vietnam. Suddenly, Pres. Bush announced he wished to visit Russian President Vladimir Putin. A motorcade was hastily assembled which took Bush to the Kremlin. At this point there is lack of clarity about the exact chain of events, but American State Department officials speaking under condition of anonymity confirmed that while meeting with Mr. Putin, Mr. Bush formally requested political asylum in Russia. Related •Marshals arrest Cheney, p.2 •Conservatives stage sit-in as Pelosi takes oath, p.4 •Air Force One drops Rumsfeld in Germany, p.5 •Jenna Bush solace with Federline, p.10 Bush's actions immediately sent his administration into disarray. A shaken Tony Slow, White House press secretary, said that the recent electoral setbacks -- in which Bush's Republicans lost control of Congress to the Democrats -- hurt now-ex-President Bush very deeply. "It hurt now-ex-President Bush very deeply," said Mr. Slow. Russian newspaper: "Putin: Bush now our #1 comrade!" "The day after the elections, the President pulled me aside for a chat," Mr. Slow continued. "He told me he felt America had outgrown him, and that it was time to move on. I only wish I had known what he was planning," Mr. Slow said, clearly shaken. Asked what he thought Mr. Bush's immediate plans would be, Mr. Slow replied, "I don't want to hug the babushka here, but in all honesty Russia may be the perfect place for him." Russia's economy, explained Mr. Slow, is similar to Texas early in Mr. Bush's business career, when he achieved his spectacular successes in the oil business. Dr. Maxwell Edison of the London School of Economics agrees with the assessment. "Russia's industrial sector is heavily corrupt and almost gangster-capitalism, government-dominated and laden with bribes and payoffs," said Dr. Edison. "Obviously, under such conditions Bush ought to thrive." Continued on p.3

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Fair Game, a new PRI program testing on Friday evenings on Seattle's KUOW-FM, ought to impress. The host is Faith Salie, of whom much is made that she's funny, a Rhodes scholar, actor and (nerd appeal) appeared as a "tradeable life form" on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Fair Game is also supposed to be a "Daily Comedy News Machine," so it also ought to be right up Mr_Blog's alley.

Salie

So why did I switch off the Nov. 9 installment after only five minutes? Two reasons.

(1) There is a reason junior high school girls don't have national radio shows--their high/whiny lack of modulation would drive listeners crazy. Salie's voice is in that category; it may be good in the TV comedy metier (she's been on Sex and The City), but all it does on the radio is attract dogs from blocks away.

(2) I don't like Talking Points with my current events-based humor. Not two minutes into Friday's edition, during an interview of The New Republic's Peter Beinart, Salie's sidekick Brian Donovan suddenly spouted the official neocon line that a lot of the Democrats who were elected on Tuesday were conservatives.

I'm not saying some of them aren't center-right--Representative-elect Heath Shuler (NC-11) for instance, as Donovan himself noted. But there is a difference between objective context (Shuler supports fiscal responsibility, social programs and environmental protection) and the GOP Talking Point--which implies that conservatives are all alike, so Americans must still love the conservative GOP!

It was like Fair Game has a dedicated fax line right from Ken Mehlman's office.

Am I being too hard on this new show? Well are they Fair Game, or not?

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Ehhhlection '06
Last in a series

And now a special Holiday Season public affairs edition of... A Christmas Carol:

Announcer: From Washington-- "The McScrooge Group," an unrehearsed discussion of major issues of the day. For over two decades, the sharpest minds, the best sources, the hottest talk. This week, with- Rev. Ted Haggard; Carson Kressley; Britney Spears; and Eleanor Clift of Newsweek. Here is your moderator, Ebenezer Scrooge.

ES: Issue 1-- "Midterm Election: Moral Backfire?" [Videotape of Gay Pride Parade stock footage] Democrats have swept to victory in Congress, you might say the Liberal Spirits have done it all in one night. The GOP planned to ride to victory on Terrorism and Values. Team Mehlman targeted the party base with warnings of unfettered abortions, gay marriage and Democrats taxing Americans into the poorhouses. Instead of a backlash, did the strategy backfire? What say you, Vicar Ted?

This Week's Panel:

TH: Well, I have to say the results were fabulous for Values Voters. Traditional Marriage ballot measures passed almost EV'rywhere!

ES: A fabulous from Ted. Carson?

CK: I don't think I see the fashion connection, but--I have to see the election as a plus for gays.

TH: Oh be serious.

CK: No, really. Even though he resigned in disgrace, Mark Foley still got 48% of the vote in Florida-16. You have to read that as a HUGE endorsement of the gay agenda.

TH: Did you say huge?

BS: Can I interrupt here?

ES: Go Britney.

BS: The results were horrible for Republicans, and it was because they didn't reach beyond the base! Democrat success means we will have more attacks on basic values. In fact, the mere fact that we now have Speaker Pelosi, from the gay hotbed of San Francisco, is a threat to Traditional Marriage. It's why mine didn't even survive election day!

ES: So on a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 representing impossibility and 10 representing complete metaphysical certitude, what is the chance of a Clinton-Federline ticket in 2008? Ted.

TH: Rap is the Devil's music, and I never listen- well almost- once I- I really like Sir Mix A Lot.

BS: He's dating Chelsea Clinton? That scum! His chances are zero.

CK: 2, if he loses the velour tracksuits first.

ES: Eleanor Clift, you've been very quiet thus far.

EC: Well I'm aghast at the lack of logic and utter stupidity being displayed here today.

ES: HUMBUG!!! Federline is in rap, he would be smeared by conservatives as "acting Black"-- "acting Black."

Issue 2-- "Was the Vote Hacked?" [Videotape of touchscreen voting, Diebold HQ] Days before the election, and days after Karl Rove said "the math" predicted Republican victory, an HBO documentary addressed the left-wing conspiracy theory that the 2000 and 2004 elections were stolen by computerized voting systems, including those made by Republican-backed Diebold. Question: Should we still trust technology to count our votes? Ted Haggard.

TH: I firmly believe there was some funny business going on. My own very recent experience, just a for instance, with voice mail shows that even innocuous so-called high-tech can have- uh, unforeseen results.

BS: I think we should trust our President, who said the Republicans are going to keep the Congress. I'm going to call Mehlman, and urge him not to concede any race! Stop the vote! Recounts! Audits! Lawsuits! After all, that HBO film proved the machines could be hacked!

EC: That would really take some chutzpah for the GOP to claim that, after Ohio and Florida. Besides, Bush is now calling for bipartisanship-- yeah, now he says that-

CK: Britney, honey, for once the results matched the exit polls.

TH: Heh-heh. "Polls."

ES: HUMBUG!!! The answer is "paper!" Computers cost too much to make, program and maintain! Whereas paper ballots can be counted by armies of low-paid Cratchits late into the night. Some might even be so foolish as to volunteer! "Paper."

Issue 3--"Ghosts of Quagmires Past." [Videotape of Twin Towers, Osama, Mission Accomplished, soldiers on patrol, explosions] Election eve polling showed as much as 67% of voters said they were dissatisfied with the President's performance, and the worsening situation in Iraq was the primary reason. Considering that the 1980s saw a series of Vietnam-themed movies that helped America get over the loss in Vietnam, the question is: What theatre arts can the White House now employ to re-build popular support for the war effort? Lead on, Carson, the night is waning fast.

CK: Choreography. Bush was always good at the photo opportunity, you know those photos of the Cabinet lined up on stage, looking earnestly into the cameras? What happened to those days? Now Tony Snow gets up there and it's like the 11pm spot at Comedy Underground. They need someone who can tell them when to walk and where to stand.

TH: Well I've always thought good costuming and choreography go together.

BS: You are so right, Ted, and I have a great choreographer! And I know all my male backup dancers would be glad to help them out at a workshop. And you know what? They're all Republicans!

TH: I would be interested in meeting them for a prayer meeting.

CK: I see the Cabinet in lycra competitive-ballroom costumes.

TH: With flowing red sleeves?

BS: Hot!

EC: I can't believe you people! Ted, you're so obviously in denial it's painful. And YOU two, do you read anything besides Details, People or The Weekly Standard? Ever pick up a newspaper?

CK: Eleanor, you and I have the same hairstyle.

BS: Are you, like, older than my mother?

EC: I give up.

ES: HUMBUG!!! "American Idol" shows us that it's "music" that is popular with the mass of voters-- "music." White House Chief of Staff: Stephen Sondheim.

Predictions. Ted.

TH: I am going to hate the sin but love the sinner. I do. Love love love love-- those sinners.

CK: Red and blue are on the way out. This spring states will be attired in Dusky Rose or Tropical Teal.

BS: I'll be dating Rush Limbaugh.

EC: I'm speechless.

ES: Increased mortality rates of turkeys in November. In December an undeserving employee will demand Christmas Eve off; ghostly activity will markedly increase. Bye-bye!

Announcer: For a transcript of today's program-- scroll to the top of the post and copy the text.

Ehhhlection '06 Series: I II III IV V VI

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Ehhhlection '06
Part V in a series

Tomorrow night the pundits will be all over the media talking about the election results. I thought I would get my thoughts out on the table now.

It's not my intent to prognosticate on the last polling numbers, tomorrow's exit polls, statistical margins, or presiduncial coattails (face it--we all know he doesn't have any). Rather, I have picked a few contests I think will be revealing (assuming the memory cards and central vote tabulators don't get hacked), in terms of taking the pulse of the country, no matter the outcome.

Today's Community Calendar Ballard. President George W. Bush attends a private event at Archie McPhee, 11am-4pm. Tacoma. Pres. Bush dines at Chuck E. Cheese's, 5-7pm. Seattle. Lynne Cheney reads from a new anthology of lesbian fiction, Bailey/Coy Books, 3-5pm. Seattle. The Discovery Institute hosts Rep. Peter Hoekstra (R-MI), who will sign copies of the new government bestseller, "WMD The Iraqi Way: Easy A-bomb plans for the DIY enthusiast." Jackson Hole, WY. Vice President Cheney hosts Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Hillary Clinton and Charles Rangel for a special beertasting reception, 1-2pm. A quail hunt will follow.

The results in key races, mostly in the East and Midwest, will signal a) a big Democratic tidal wave leading to a mandate, b) divided Congress and interparty squabbling for the next 2 years, or c) election fraud.