June 2006

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This Month:

2 Dear Leader by Kim Jong Il
6 Darth Loser
9 NOAA designates orca habitat
13 The Front Page
14 The Crying Game
15 Al-Qaida Jumps Shark
17 Caption Time
18 Chain Gang (Solstice Parade)
19 On The Waterfront
19 Appeals Court rules for gravel company
21 Don't. Just... Don't
23 It's a little bit funny
27 Who you callin' "Old" Glory?
30 Let's delete one for the gipper...'s namesake
Posted June 30, 2006
Let's delete one for
the gipper...'s namesake

To combat the threat of identification theft, real estate documents containing Social Security numbers would be removed from the King County recorder's Web site under legislation introduced by County Councilman Reagan Dunn on Thursday. Source

Is it just me, or should we be demanding to know if documents would be removed that pertain to Councilman Dunn, his family and close political allies? Yeah, it's probably just me.

Before I forget, I wanted to recommend listening to last Sunday's NPR feature on the newly renovated National Portrait Gallery. The gallery is housed in the Old Patent Office Building (1836); it re-opens tomorrow.

What I particularly like is the explanation from Director Marc Pachter, of why Congress decided to put the building where it is: Pierre L'Enfant designed Washington DC to have three primary symbolic spaces. One was for the Executive, the second was for Congress. Why did Congress put the Patent Office in the third space? You'll have to listen. I'll give you a hint: it's another in-your-face to the theocrats of today.

This is my quest. My mission is to sample the reuben sandwich of every Seattle dining establishment offering one. The results so far:

Eatery Comments Rating (1-5)
Murphy's Pub Greasy good, quintessential bar grub 3.5
Roxy's Deli Excellent, except disappointingly small 3.5
McMenamin/Dad Watson's The "Reuben Kincaid"; sauce a little overpowering. Serviceable 3
Three Girls Made fresh in the Market and the bread is baked right there, how could it be bad? 4
Other Coast Cafe The real deal. Quality corned beef in quantity; big enough for two hungry people 5
Planet Java Tender corned beef; otherwise standard 2.5

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Posted June 27, 2006
Who you callin' "Old" Glory?

And now, "Viewpoint," a new regular feature about personalities in the news! Today's subject: the proposed Flag Desecration amendment. Here with a commentary is the Flag Of The United States Of Amer-

Shut up! I have a lot to say and not much time to say it. I couldn't get onto FOX; part of me may be white, but none of me is blonde, and I'm not missing in the Caribbean.

Listen up, Americans. Who the hell does the Senate think it is that it needs to pass a Constitutional amendment to protect ME??? Because I already represent the Constitution of the friggin' U-S OF A. I don't NEED your lame-ass protection. Burn me! I don't care! Go ahead! Because that's LIBERTY, and that's my friggin' JOB, man. What have I done that you need to take away part of my friggin' JOB??? I know your sort. You'll focus-group a Liberty-protecting cartoon spokes-character. Yeah; Linda the Liberty Girl, who'll probably be animated in a sweatshop in friggin' KOREA! If Linda has big round pupil-less eyes I'll burn MYSELF, right here, right now! Don't think I won't.

"Desecration." Like I'm some kinda frail wilting PANSY who can't take what gets dished out by that civic mosh pit known as DEMOCRACY. Do I tell you how to do YOUR job? Do I come to where you work and tell you how to make widgets? No, I DON'T. Partly because all widget manufacturing has been OUTSOURCED to friggin' CHINA, but mostly because I'm the FLAG!!! I don't CARE what you do, I only care that you're free to do it.

And who's gonna protect Me, Homeland Security? FBI? Get this: I'm CLOTH. You can make more of me. The Feds need to be out protecting cities and CITIZENS—heard of them, you smug pissants?

Gimme a friggin' break—"desecration" is the least of My problems! You people don't KNOW what I endure from all the pseudo-patriotic, Toby-Keith-listening, mullet-headed Me-wavers who don't know the first goddamn thing about respecting Me. You want to bring a smile to my field of blue? FOLLOW THE FRIGGIN' RULES OF FLAG DISPLAY, numbnuts!!! Do you think I like fluttering in tatters from friggin' CAR ANTENNAS? Do you think I like being stuck to the back of an '87 LeBaron right next to the peeing Calvin sticker? Do you think I like hanging from the top of a pole IN THE MIDDLE OF A HURRICANE? Well I DON'T, because unlike you Bud-drinking, Limbaugh-listening, Humvee-driving, wifebeater-wearing "DELIVERANCE" rejects, I take PRIDE in my personal appearance.

So just watch it. Raise Me in the morning; lower Me at night (or at least put a light on Me). Fold Me. Treat Me with some respect. Or Me and the Constitution are going to find out who you are. We're gonna find out, we'll Google you and find where you live. We're gonna come to your house, and the Constitution is gonna kick in your front door and KICK your SCRAWNY ASS.

But of course only after getting the proper warrants. Unlike some idiotic, pea-brain, dry-drunk, vote-suppressing, National Guard-dodging-

Thank you, Mr. Flag. Next time, the NFL will discuss the dangers of World Cup interest crossing American borders.

By ONE vote

Overheard at the Fremont Sunday Market

Angry woman vendor, to other woman vendor:
"This is why I don't date. I don't want to have to sit and pretend to be interested in what someone is saying for 2 to 3 hours. I just don't have the time. I have things to do. I have a business, I have a new house. C'mon, time is money. The free dinner is nice..."

Also today: Sleater-Kinney to call it quits!

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Posted June 23, 2006
It's a little bit funny

Funny, how the Bush misadministration's data mining of our financial information is in the headlines right next to the arrest of seven homegrown wannabe terrorists.

Strange, how Bush returns from a European trip, but there are absolutely no reports of him joking that "folks here are eating all the time—cuz you're Hungary."1 I've scoured the media, but there's no coverage. Obviously it has been censored.2

Odd, how Mayor Nickels announces (what is called) a funding proposal for his waterfront viaduct/tunnel/freeway, that is more like a shopping list, a list of funding prospects. And the dollar amounts are merely an optimistic rating of their potential, capacity to fund, not necessarily what will actually be forthcoming.

Klassy, how three people die on the West Seattle Bridge, but some people just care about being late for work.

1 "...Hello? Is this thing on? Anyone out there? I can hear yer dollars devaluatin'..."

2 And admit it: when you learned Dubya had created the world's largest Marine Sanctuary, the first thing you thought of was "Silent Running."

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Posted June 21, 2006
Don't. Just... Don't

There's a whole host of things today that annoy me, and I wish people would just knock it off.

Stop conducting diplomacy in public. This morning Prime Minister Bush stamped his little feet, whining that Iran was taking too long to make up its mind about the latest nonproliferation offer. You'd think he was on a timetable or something.

Stop ignoring language. The Iraq resolution that was non-debated last week in the House included language to the effect that an "arbitrary date for the withdrawal or redeployment" is Bad. Naturally they mean Merriam Webster's #3 definition of arbitrary, based on or determined by individual preference or convenience rather than by necessity or the intrinsic nature of something... as a capricious and unreasonable act of will. Funny, definition #2 seems to fit the Resmuglicans' entire conduct of foreign affairs: not restrained or limited in the exercise of power... by absolute authority... or resulting from the unrestrained and often tyrannical exercise of power.

Stop ignoring stagnation in real wages. The media and the Mayor are still ignoring the embarrassing connection between lifting the maximum heights of new buildings in downtown Seattle, and the $1.7 million average price for a condo in the 1521 Second Avenue project, the first development to occur under the new policy. The policy the Nickels administration said would "attract thousands of new residents to dense downtown neighborhoods," "encourage a housing boom," and developers who would 'pump millions more dollars into programs that build affordable housing downtown' (The P-I, Jan. 10). Don't worry though, because there'll be lots of affordable places to buy necessities; Whole Foods, for instance.

Stop driving like you're transporting a kidney for transplant. A two lane arterial with bicycle lanes. A car stops to turn left, and immediately the car following swings into the bike lane to pass—no turn signal. Two questions: (1) just who the fuck do you think you are that your personal schedule is sooooo important to commit a moving violation that saves you all of 5 lousy seconds? (2) When did the state legalize passing on the right? I must have missed that.

Stop rewarding incompetence. Last month I started getting spammed by another one of those online drugstores pushing Ambien, Viagra, Cialis, etc. I always look for something distinctive in the message so I can add it to my spam filter, and this time I noticed the spammer stupidly included his site URL in the clear. BAM! Dumb cluck—you're filtered!

Then I checked in the message header. The sender of record, i.e. the hapless fools who allowed their mail server to be compromised, is a Missouri company called Apex Innovations. I looked them up, and get a load of the sales pitch from their site:

Apex offers true innovation...
     • Imagine secure but shared information
     • Imagine releasing selected information to selected groups

We have solutions for:
          • Homeland Security
          • Inter-Agency Information Technology

For use by: Business and Industry, Councils of Govt., Federal Agencies, Military, Municipalities ...Relief Agencies, Shelters, State Emergency Management, State Public Safety and more...

Their main product? Web-based networking software for coordinating the aforementioned first responder, homeland security and other government agencies. Great; just great.

What is Third-Party Mail Relay?

2003- Kansas City Develops Internet-Based Security System
2005- Cumbersome, expensive and non-standard

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Posted June 19, 2006
Appeals Court rules for gravel company

The State Court of Appeals has ruled that the Shorelines Hearings Board was correct in deciding Glacier Northwest was entitled to a shorelines permit. King County had earlier denied Glacier Northwest a permit to rebuild a Maury Island pier. Neighbors oppose the rebuild, part of a plan to increase production at the company's gravel mine.

Update- My environmental policy expert sums it up: "They [community suing to stop the pier and mine expansion] were basically screwed from the start," she says, "because the County had it zoned as commercial." Indeed, the opinion notes the unfortunate fact that past use does not dictate future use, and the determinant is the use(s) designated by zoning. What can be done apart from the County asking Glacier for further environmental mitigation? Stay tuned.

Division I opinion issued
Mine owners win round

Posted June 19, 2006
On The Waterfront

A report from one of my sources about the shoreline improvement work that is occuring in connection with the waterfront Olympic Sculpture Park:

      I was part of a small "hard hat" tour of the Sculpture Park site this morning, and got to get a good look at the pavilion facility and the new beach.
      The pavilion is going to be very nice; it will include presentations space, some exhibit space and a classroom area, two screen presentation areas (one outside), and will have the capacity for a sit-down dinner of 200 people. Outside there will be an amphitheater with performance/presentation space as well. The landscaping near the pavilion is supposed to mimic a coastal forest ecosystem, but it's interesting to see the differences between habitat restoration and landscaping as they put the plants in...
      We stopped at the beach at the end, although we hadn't originally planned to. The tide was high so we couldn't see the beach or seawall reinforcement, but as it was explained they reinforced the existing seawall with rip-rap, and terraced it out so there is a bench of shallow water habitat for salmon. Unfortunately, there will be no overhanging vegetation along the sea wall except what happens incidentally as the trees planted near it (but not along the edge) grow large enough to hang over. Chris Rogers reported that monitoring by folks from UW shows more juvenile salmonids using the space than even they anticipated, and very few predator fish using the area. (He can send us the data if we're interested.) His statement was backed up by some frisky little fish that were jumping within a few feet of the newly excavated portion of the shoreline while we stood there. He also said that during recent low tides they have found sea stars and octopus there already.
      Another interesting feature of the beach area is that there will be a surface water swale leading into it. They don't expect it will be enough to look like a stream, but they are diverting runoff from the impervious areas to use for irrigation and the extra will go to the swale that feeds into the beach. At the moment, anyone can walk or bike past the beach area so you can go take a peek if you like. They will be doing the backshore planting within the next two weeks.
      The park is scheduled to open on Oct 28 with a week long series of celebration events.

This is shaping up as a preview of what can be possible in many places along the Seattle central waterfront, in the near future. But we must make a conscious effort to avoid putting all our resources in one tunnel-shaped basket.

Also today: Rainier Valley readies for rail-driven gentrification
In environment news: Mixed SCOTUS rulings on Clean Water Act

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Posted June 18, 2006 | 0500 GMT
Chain Gang (Solstice Parade)

Here are the best moments from the 2006 Fremont Solstice Parade:

The setup: Here comes the chain gang...


And here it is: SNOG!


See all 64 parade photos (Flickr)

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Posted June 17, 2006
Caption Time

   Dubya in Seattle

The hills are alive with the sound of bullshit.

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Posted June 15, 2006
Al-Qaida Jumps Shark

Mouwafak al-Rubaie, Iraq's national security advisor, believes the corner has been turned in the government's fight against the insurgency.

The fresh optimism is due to the announcement of the person chosen to be the new leader of al-Qaida In Iraq, replacing Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, who died last week in a U.S. airstrike.

American military officials believe the new al-Qaida leader is the actor Ted McGinley, currently in the cast of ABC's "Hope & Faith." McGinley is perhaps best known for joining television series as "Happy Days" and "Love Boat" near the end of those programs' runs. Some say McGinley joining a program is highly correlated to such endings.

"We believe that this is the beginning of the end of al-Qaida in Iraq," al-Rubaie said in a news conference earlier today.

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Posted June 14, 2006
The Crying Game

JAYYYZUS! Who wrote today's Joel Connelly column? The Connelly (who is starting to resemble James Doohan from "Star Trek") has been showing a decidedly curmudgeonly streak the last couple of—what is it now, months? Years?

Connelly checks in this morning with a sloppy, mystifying, almost smear-y column at the expense of Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Rather than focusing on the subject of RFK Jr's Rolling Stone piece on Blackwell & Bush's theft of the Ohio vote, Connelly instead spends most of his allotted space sniding Kennedy (that's right: Sniding. Use it. Love it):

...his Rolling Stone essay [is] a curious case given its maker. Robert F. Kennedy Sr., as his brother's campaign manager, has been accused— in both trashy and serious books—of helping "steal" Illinois' 26 electoral votes Source

Huh? What does his father have to do with it?

RFK Jr. is an intense moralist reminiscent of his father, who journeyed to South Africa to denounce apartheid and was with Cesar Chavez when the farmworkers broke a lengthy fast.

Yeah; what an asshole. As proof of how out of touch RFK Jr. is, Connelly quotes him saying,

"TV viewers know more about Brad and Angelina than global warming," he lamented.

Obviously wrong! TV viewers know more about "American Idol" than global warming.

When Connelly tries to be substantive, he falls on his face:

[exit polls] are not infallible, however, and Kerry's leads were tiny and within the margin of error.

Joel, the point is that the polls with Kerry leading were the ones that were usually "wrong," THAT is what is statistically suspicious. To quote Kennedy (RS article, Sec. I), "Polls in thirty states weren't just off the mark—they deviated to an extent that cannot be accounted for by their margin of error."

The Democrats' report found, however, that equal numbers of Bush and Kerry voters had to cast "provisional" ballots.

Joel, the point is that there was a huge number of provisionals because Blackwell allowed an unprecendented challenge campaign, prevented an unknown number of people from even casting a provisional, threw out at least 10,000, and rejected 35,000. In other words, 45,000 or more votes weren't even counted (RS article, Sec. V).

Finally, this last oddity:

He does deserve a hearing from "mainstream" TV news outlets currently airing Ann Coulter's vile smears against antiwar 9/11 widows. Sadly, however, Robert Kennedy Jr. is not a telegenic blonde.

Joel. Please. Get some help.

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Posted June 13, 2006
The Front Page

Halliburton +2.15
Aegis +2.50
Carlyle +1.99

Published every Tuesday in the Green Zone

Inside today's Sunni-Times:
Foreign head of state reviews troop, A3
Football strikes IED, scores own goal, C1
Opening night audience shrugs at fully-clothed version of "Oh Calcutta," D2

Authorities question suspect
in civil unrest

"Don't leave town." PM Maliki with unidentified American who is assisting police with their inquiries.
Abu Musab al-Zarqawi

Al-Qaida in Iraq leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi passed away last week after a sudden illness. He was 280 dog years old.
     Born Archibald Leach in Jordan, family members described the young Zarqawi as precociously fundamentalist. The infant Zarqawi refused to be suckled at the breast; in a 2003 interview he explained that he thought it immodest. It was obvious he was destined for greatness when, while still a toddler, he martyred his teddy bear.
age 5 Zarqawi beheaded his favorite babysitter after holding her hostage for 46 days, an accomplishment that brought him to the attention of Tim Eyman al-Zawahiri. Zawahiri sponsored Zarqawi's education, culminating

in a full scholarship to Death To All Infidels College of the Arts, where he majored in Performance Guillotine and was captain of the machete team. At the time he is said to have aspired to a career in birka design. During summer holidays Zarqawi worked as a paid signature gatherer for Eyman al-Zawahiri's conservative initiative campaigns.
     Although best known as a mujahedeen, Zarqawi had a special love of gardening, and took great pride in his topiary garden. Friends recall that he would spend many hours meticulously shaping boxwoods into elephants, unicorns and dinosaurs, and then behead them.
     Zarqawi is survived by his three wives, 320,000 mujahedeen, and Mr. John Negroponte of Washington, DC.

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Posted June 9, 2006 1530PST
Friday Flash: NOAA designates orca habitat

Puget Sound orcas win more federal protection

NOAA Fisheries designates most of the sound and the Strait of Juan de Fuca as critical whale habitat

SUSAN GORDON; The News Tribune

Puget Sound deserves official designation as habitat for the endangered group of orca whales that resides here, say federal officials responsible for protection of marine mammals.

The announcement came today from the Pacific Northwest regional office of the NOAA Fisheries Service in Seattle.

The proposed designation includes most of Puget Sound and the Strait of Juan de Fuca, which connects the Sound to the Pacific Ocean.

The orcas, or southern resident killer whales as the endangered group is known, is distinctive from other groups of killer whales.

The area proposed for critical habitat designation encompasses more than 2,500 square miles and includes the waters around the San Juan Islands, where the whales have become a tourist attraction.

NOAA Fisheries has proposed to exclude 18 military sites from the official designation.

Federal officials granted southern residents protection as endangered under the Endangered Species Act in 2005. Scientists counted 97 animals in 1990, but by 2001 the total declined to 79. They now number 90, including several calves.

The habitat designation could become official by the end of the year. After that federal agencies proposing activities within the sound will be required to consult with NOAA Fisheries to make sure their actions will not destroy or adversely affect the habitat.

Officials are also working on a killer whale recovery plan, another Endangered Species Act requirement, which is scheduled to be made public later this month.

Public meetings are scheduled from 7 to 9 p.m. at the Seattle Aquarium on July 12 and in Friday Harbor on July 13.

Comments concerning the proposal may be sent to the NOAA Fisheries Service until mid-August: E-mail: Regular mail: Chief - Protected Resources Division, 1201 NE Lloyd Blvd., Suite 100, Portland, OR 97322-1274

Find today's announcement here


Errata. I can't help noticing that 6/9/06 is getting none of the coverage that 6/6/06 got. You'd think Larry Flynt or a Guccione would be all over 6/9. Alas.

Oh, nearly forgot: DIY Impeachment!!!

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Posted June 6, 2006
Darth Loser

Here it is, 6/6/06, and I'm on the lookout for something suitably Antichristish and End-Timey. But does the mainstream media care? Noooo! Take a look at two items the Post-Intelligencer has decided qualify as today's Big News:

Members of Congress take trips! And those trips are paid for! The P-I's Charles Pope singles out the Seventh's own Sunny Jim as the highest-mileage member of the Washington delegation. Writes Pope:

...McDermott and his highflying staff... accepted 98 trips over the period ending in 2005. The Seattle Democrat alone accounted for 41 trips, visiting such places as Baden Baden, Germany; Puerto Rico; Nigeria; India; Stockholm; Tokyo; China and Haiti.
The nine-month [Center for Public Integrity] investigation found that members of Congress and their aides took 23,000 trips underwritten by private groups such as corporations, advocacy organizations and trade associations. The total cost for those trips was at least $50 million, the center concluded.

A stinging indictment... of Congress in general. For when you read the entire article you discover absolutely nothing about who paid for McDermott's trips. C'mon Chuck, don't just photocopy the press release, do some reporting. I really doubt you're going to find Halliburton, Exxon or Altria are paying to fly McDermott to Baghdad.

Tim Eyman recovers from maiming suffered in signature-gathering accident! A post-op photo is right there in the P-I! But NW Progressive Institute has a better one.

Eyman, a professional second-guesser and recovering publicity addict, suffered severe injuries following an altercation with a Girl Scout troop over possession of a prime streetcorner location. The troop attacked, declaring a blue light special on Thin Mints, and Eyman was trampled in the ensuing melee.

A series of surgeries followed, and Eyman's lightsaber hand and various other body parts were amputated. However, thanks to Microsoft software, the technical wizardry of Medtronic PhysioControl, and the financial assistance of Senate candidate Mike McGavick, Eyman was equipped with cybernetic exoskeleton and limbs which should return him to full mobility.

This led to yesterday's media event in which Eyman, who has changed his name to Tirth Vader, unveiled his new look. In wide-ranging remarks, Vader outlined the all-new agenda his Permanently Offensive organization would be tackling in the remainder of 2006. Chief among a punch list of conservative causes are all-male voting, $30 registration fees for gay marriage licenses, defeat of the Girl Scout Trade Federation, and election of McGavick to the Imperial Senate.

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Posted June 2, 2006
Dear Leader
by Kim Jong Il

Dear Leader,
      I am SO worried about the government tracking my phone calls. I can't sleep at night. I'm so bummed out, heroin is the only thing that will take away the pain.
      What has me upset is the President's statement that they aren't invading the privacy of ORDINARY Americans.
      It's like this: I'm a celebrity—I'm like real real famous. I'm on this like TV show where me and my former best friend (that's another letter), a socialite, go around the country doing things that are SO beneath us. Like working as waitresses, interns and farmers. I am concerned that when the media gets their hands on the call list, if I'm not on it everyone will think I'm like ordinary and my career as a gossip item will be over. Thousands of tabloid reporters and papparazzi will be like thrown out of work. Morning-drive radio hosts will be left with seconds of dead air to fill.
Signed, The Complicated Life.

Dear Complicated:
You sure put the materialism in dialetical materialism. The problem is that you are in danger of becoming so irrelevant that even the E! Network loses interest. And once they go, whoa nellie. After that you won't even be able to get on FOX News because, in your case as a blonde, you would have to be an actual missing person, not just "vanished."

Drastic action is called for. I suggest you do what your costar did: have a scummy ex-boyfriend leak an x-rated video of yourself to the Internet. In one stroke you'll be back on the magazine covers and get tons of sympathy because you dared to love, but were betrayed. Otherwise, get yourself measured for a blue vest with a smiley face on the back.

If you do go the retail route, let me know, because I have connections in that industry. In fact, I, Kim Jong Il, am a major player in low-end North Korean retail. That's right, we have K-Marts too; except the K stands for Kim! We also changed the name to "The Big K." Because I'm a magnate—babe magnate, that is!

Dear Leader by Kim Jong Il is brought to you by Laity Drugstores, Your Prescription Place. You'll find everyday low prices at Laity because we only employ pharmacists who are Scientologists or Christian Scientists. We stock no prescription medications whatsoever, and pass the savings on to you!

Bizarre Pharmacy Board decision
Blarchives: Dear Leader by Kim Jong Il

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There are 8 comments
June 29, 2006 - 02:47
Subject: Who you callin' "Old" Glory?

Thank you, Mr. Flag. Next time, the NFL will discuss the dangers of World Cup interest crossing American borders.

:-) :-) Mind if I riff on this?

Reply to Kvatch
June 29, 2006 - 03:57
Subject: Re: Who you callin' "Old" Glory?

Be my guest!

Kvatch entreated-

":-) :-) Mind if I riff on this?"

Reply to Kvatch
June 30, 2006 - 07:51
Subject: Re: Who you callin' "Old" Glory?
Peter (Buffoon)
June 23, 2006 - 04:31
Subject: Chain Gang (Solstice Parade)

Are you going to provide links to other people's parade pics, as you've done (I think) in the past?

Reply to Peter (Buffoon)
June 24, 2006 - 04:59
Subject: Re: Chain Gang (Solstice Parade)

Oh, OK.

Try the Solstice Parade Flickr group,


Bill Simpson,

Charlie Beck,

Chris Yetter,

June 16, 2006 - 21:10
Subject: Al-Qaida Jumps Shark

Yup...that seals it. The end is nigh. :-)

June 15, 2006 - 04:46
Subject: The Crying Game

Off topic, but thanks for the comment and the blogroll. I've reciprocated.

Reply to Kvatch
June 15, 2006 - 05:53
Subject: Re: The Crying Game

Hey there Kvatch! I had been meaning to add you to my sidebar for a while now, but kept forgetting. Anywho, thanks and see you around the blogosphere.

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