http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/nxtlevel/blog.html Wednesday, 10 Mar 2010 21:35:00 -0800 Super Simple RSS webadmin@kinetic.seattle.wa.us http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog76.html#startover "It's time to start over with a clean occupation plan," said Senator Mitch McConnell, the minority leader. "The American people don't want the president's costly, complicated plan. What we need is to find what Republicans and defense contractors agree on and proceed step by step, in a bipartisan fashion," McConnell said... ERITAS News Service news humor politics parody satire afghanistan clean sheet of paper eric cantor etchasketch foghorn leghorn health care reform hcr john boehner lamar alexander mitch mcconnell republicans start over step by step tort reform Thursday, 11 Mar 2010 06:00:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog76.html#rushcr "If this passes and it's five years from now and all that stuff gets implemented -- I am leaving the country. I'll go to Costa Rica," Limbaugh told a caller to his program... ERITAS News Service news humor politics parody satire rush limbaugh hcr Tuesday, 09 Mar 2010 12:20:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog76.html#quitter Sarah Palin dropped out of the 2010 Iditarod today, earning her the distinction of being the first former Alaska Governor to quit the storied 1,100 mile endurance challenge. Also: John McCain explained his decision to include dead people among the signatories of a letter opposing an end to the 'don't ask, don't tell' policy on gays in the military... ERITAS News Service news humor politics parody satire sarah palin quitter iditarod john mccain dadt Monday, 08 Mar 2010 08:30:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog76.html#blamevictim Extreme modesty activists are in a celebratory mood, after producers of America's Next Top Model announced today that God will be a judge on three episodes of the program. The Almighty will start lending his ineffable fashion sense to the hit CW Network show Easter weekend, network sources say. Shirley A. Nutt, a card-carrying modesty inspector from Westmost, North Carolina, hailed the move. Nutt's consulting firm, Beeswax Incorporated, prints pamphlets that advise women not to dress in ways that encourage men to commit rape. "It's about time the fashion world turned to God," said Nutt... ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire media fundamentalists blame the victim rape keshia canter women & girls Thursday, 04 Mar 2010 12:45:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog76.html#disaster George W. Bush has sued France, attorneys for the former President disclosed today. Papers filed with the International Small Claims Court at The Hague state that France's declaration of a "national disaster" in the wake of storms that severely lashed the country's Atlantic coast infringes on a Bush trademark. Bush alleges France harms both him and his national disaster trademark because it did not wait five days before sending government assistance, that assistance is being correctly and efficiently distributed, and private contractors are not involved. ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire international george w bush world class incompetent budgeting katrina france xynthia Monday, 01 Mar 2010 06:35:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog75.html#bling "I am running the party as a de facto Government Lab in order to demonstrate to the American people what Republican leadership will do for the nation," said Steele. The centerpiece of the demonstration is strict adherence to conservative budget principles. "I have radically increased the Republican Party's expenses since becoming leader," he said, ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire republicans michael steele budgeting nice things borrow and spend Wednesday, 24 Feb 2010 11:20:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog75.html#heart ...Cheney was home working on his memoirs when the chest pains started. "I was dictating into a tape recorder, but it wasn't going well, the words weren't coming," explained Cheney, "so I told Dr. Yoo to torture me until I started talking." ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire politics torture memo Dick Cheney John Yoo out of sequence chest pains Tuesday, 23 Feb 2010 11:30:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog75.html#bayh ..."I was counting on my wife's cut of the Anthem rate hike, that was going to be our retirement nest egg," said Bayh. Growing reflective, Bayh wondered aloud about the future of the American status quo. "I worked hard this past year making sure nothing happened... ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire politics DINOs Evan Bayh retirement health care reform Susan Bayh Wellpoint Anthem environment energy No Nukes Monday, 22 Feb 2010 06:00:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog75.html#dick ...Cheney is convinced the terrorists are The Terrorists, a local punk garage band fronted by the son of the orthodontist who lives on Cheney's street. "And they're not the only cell targeting my lawn," said Cheney, "there are also snot-nosed terrorists on bikes, half-naked terrorists playing frisbee, and terrorist dogs laying their IEDs [Impromptu Excrement Droppings] in my prize begonias," he said ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire politics republicans valentines day terrorism dick cheney dennis the menace mr wilson joe biden barack obama Sunday, 14 Feb 2010 15:30:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog75.html#recall Americans already reeling from the Toyota recall were greeted this morning by news of another major recall. Word of Faith Church founder Bishop Thomas Muthee said his church has recalled its witchcraft protection system, affecting one customer, former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin. Muthee said his church will repair... ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire politics religion fundamentalists tea party convention nashville sarah palin crib notes hillbilly teleprompter thomas muthee witchcraft Saturday, 13 Feb 2010 06:00:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog75.html#palmreader Latest in speaker-friendly teleprompter technology... ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire politics technology tea party convention nashville sarah palin crib notes hillbilly teleprompter Tuesday, 09 Feb 2010 00:10:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog75.html#tpcon The first national convention of the Tea Party movement ended in tragedy Saturday, when fire consumed the the Gaylord Opryland convention hall shortly after former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin concluded her keynote speech to the event's 1,100 delegates. ... The 600,000 square foot conference facility burned fast and hot, constructed as it was from recycled wigs of country-western singers... ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire politics tea party convention nashville sarah palin tort reform Monday, 08 Feb 2010 07:00:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog75.html#pugetsound ..."Decline of Puget Sound good for Zan-Tor and other malevolent energy cloud-beings," said Zan-Tor, spokesbeing for the Seattle Environment, Water & Effluent Resources Coalition (SEWER Coalition)... ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire environment puget sound partnership water pollution david dicks federal funding Thursday, 04 Feb 2010 16:00:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog75.html#japan A congresswoman's remarks on Japan's health care system this week have unexpectedly resulted in a disagreement between two of the Republican Party's leading personalities. It all began Tuesday when Rep. Michele Bachmann... pointed to Japan as an illustration of what happens when the government takes over health care. "You know those old Japanese soldiers who hid in the jungles and didn't know World War II was over until decades later?" she asked... ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire politics health care reform michele bachmann sarah palin japan godzilla Wednesday, 03 Feb 2010 07:00:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog75.html#texting President Barack Obama's year-old administration is back on track this week, after the advent of new federal rules that bar texting while presidenting. The January 25 rulemaking modifies a 2002 regulation issued by the Bureau of Inertia that required commanders-in-chief spend at least 10 hours a day on the then-new social media websites... ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire politics state of the union barack obama republican retreat Monday, 01 Feb 2010 11:00:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog74.html#sou President Obama will use his first State of the Union address tonight to say he has learned a great deal in the first year of his administration. An advance outline of the speech reveals he will tell the American people and a joint session of Congress that lessons learned from those failures will help shape failures during his second year in office... ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire politics state of the union barack obama losing the base health care reform Wednesday, 27 Jan 2010 10:42:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog74.html#cu2 Stocks surged today in response to news that giants of the American banking, manufacturing, health, insurance, agriculture and defense sectors have decided to outsource the legislative branch to China, at a cost of 535 American jobs. The decision is being blamed on the high cost of influencing legislation... ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire politics Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission supreme court corporate personhood Monday, 25 Jan 2010 13:00:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog74.html#cu The ruling buoyed a group of corporate marriage activists marching in front of the White House. Many held placards reading, "Freedom To Merge," "Adam & Eve and Comcast & NBC," and "Keep Your Laws Off My Org Chart." ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire politics Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission supreme court corporate personhood health care reform barack obama Thursday, 21 Jan 2010 15:15:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog74.html#brown Republican Scott Brown became the newest member of the U.S. Senate last night, defeating Democrat Martha Coakley 52-47% in the close Massachusetts race for the seat of the late Edward M. Kennedy. Brown thanked an overflow of supporters at Boston's Park Plaza Hotel. "You have helped this son of the Bay State get one step closer to my dream of becoming the first nude centerfold in the Congressional Record," said Brown, Cosmopolitan Magazine's Mr. June 1982... ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire politics scott brown martha coakley massachusetts senate republicans Wednesday, 20 Jan 2010 07:00:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog74.html#ship More aid from the U.S. arrived in Haiti today as the insurance industry's hospital ship S.S. Hopeless steamed into Port-Au-Prince harbor... The Hopeless had steamed at top speed from the Bahamas, where it waited for six days while Haiti's paperwork was being processed... ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire politics health insurance reform haiti earthquake Tuesday, 19 Jan 2010 07:00:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog74.html#robertson Conservative media personalities were the big winners at yesterday's Demons Choice Awards, the evil industry's annual gala held at the Dukes of Hazzard Theater in downtown Westmost. Talk show host Rush Limbaugh won three awards and television evangelist and Christian Broadcasting Network founder Pat Robertson took home four of the coveted Demons Choice statuettes, the depleted uranium winged lizard with fangs stained with real human blood... ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire politics media religion haiti pat robertson rush limbaugh Thursday, 14 Jan 2010 13:35:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog74.html Links to American Red Cross and CIDI ERITAS News Service news haiti relief Thursday, 14 Jan 2010 10:40:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog74.html#palindebut The 2008 Republican vice presidential nominee delivered the network's 8 pm national weather forecast, showing off her new American Meteorogical Society certification. Palin said the eastern U.S. establishment should expect continued cold temperatures, "because with a wave of his hand the Almighty is gonna... ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire politics media sarah palin fox republicans Wednesday, 13 Jan 2010 07:30:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog74.html#palinsigns Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has signed a multi-year deal with the Fox Kids network, the New York Times reported today. Palin will host "Sara The Explorer," an animated public affairs program for children age 5 to 10, and Tea Party activists age 18 to 65. The fast-paced format will take viewers around the world, where the 2008 Republican vice presidential candidate will show kids how the answer to pressing social and political issues is always 'God and less government'... ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire politics sarah palin fox republicans Monday, 11 Jan 2010 14:15:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog74.html#reid "This may sound hard to believe, but many people think Barack Obama is a Muslim just because his middle name is Hussein," Reid is quoted as saying in the book 'Game Change' by Mark Halperin and John Heilemann, to be released Tuesday. "I wouldn't be surprised if some people will refuse to believe he's a U.S. citizen," Reid is also quoted as saying... ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire politics harry reid negro dialect game change republicans barack obama Monday, 11 Jan 2010 07:00:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog74.html#scans The White House announced the first stage of a new business diversification plan today, launching the first-ever government owned monthly magazine. "Public Screenings" will carry images of airline passengers taken by Transportation Security Administration using the new millimeter-wave scanning machines. Press secretary Robert Gibbs said the TSA originally planned to release the photos in the Federal Register, as a way to preempt the paperwork burden of responding to inevitable Freedom of Information Act requests by Maxim, FHM and Fox News... ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire politics air travel celebrity safety homeland security labor tsa hcr yemen privacy Tiger Woods Thursday, 07 Jan 2010 12:00:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog74.html#hume Former Fox News anchor Brit Hume on Sunday urged prodigal golfer Tiger Woods to win forgiveness by turning to Christianity, netting the veteran journalist 12 million points and the overall victory in Saddleback Church's Proselytizer Of The Year Salvation Challenge... ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire politics golf religion brit hume christians buddhism tiger woods saddleback Tuesday, 05 Jan 2010 08:00:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog74.html#newgopfaces The Republican Party has high hopes for its prospects in midterm congressional elections, and they are crediting health care reform. For even though no GOP senators voted for the measure that passed 60-39 on Christmas eve, a little-noticed provision of the bill stands to put slates of fresh new Republican faces on ballots this fall... ERITAS News Service news humor parody satire politics elections hcr republicans kevin mccarthy michele bachmann Monday, 04 Jan 2010 09:00:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog73.html#demint Declaring that every alternative security method should be explored before allowing TSA personnel to unionize, Sen. Jim Demint (R-SC) introduced legislation today directing the TSA to use former Sen. Larry Craig to screen air passengers. The proposal is in response to... ERITAS News Service news international humor parody satire politics air travel safety homeland security labor tsa Abdul Farouk Umar Abdulmutallab Jim Demint Waterloo Larry Craig John Ensign Tuesday, 29 Dec 2009 21:40:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog73.html#air The Transportation Security Administration today announced new regulations covering international flights to the United States.... ERITAS News Service news international humor parody satire christmas air travel safety homeland security tsa Abdul Farouk Umar Abdulmutallab Nigeria Sunday, 27 Dec 2009 11:55:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog73.html#xmas09 The fierce competition to determine the site of a second North Pole production line has been won by South Carolina. The announcement was made yesterday by Northex, the North Pole's Oslo-based holding company that also owns Kris Kringle Worldwide and Rudolph Organic Compost. "South Carolina has shown us it offers the best business and labor climate for our expanded operations," said Angelina Claus, Northex CFO and... ERITAS News Service news politics humor parody satire christmas santa claus insurance health care reform joe lieberman boeing dreamliner 787 south carolina mark sanford coal Wednesday, 16 Dec 2009 00:10:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog73.html#reform President Barack Obama parted ways with the Democratic wing of the Democratic Party today, dropping attempts to achieve far reaching reform of the U.S. health care system. The move came hours after former Vermont Gov. Howard Dean appeared on... ERITAS News Service news politics humor parody satire health insurance reform public option medicare compromise barack obama howard dean joe lieberman Tuesday, 15 Dec 2009 22:00:00 -0800 http://kinetic.seattle.wa.us/blogs/blog73.html#tiger Accenture's reason is not because of Woods' admission of infidelity. In a recent poll, 1,200 persons contacted thought Accenture is a meat tenderizing liquid. ERITAS News Service news media humor parody satire accenture tiger woods celebrity joe lieberman Monday, 14 Dec 2009 20:30:00 -0800